


you knew what it was (he is in love)

by goshiken



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Anxiety, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-22
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-12 13:22:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 27,245
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29635287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goshiken/pseuds/goshiken
Summary: There's never been an Oikawa without an Iwaizumi.At least, he can never remember what life was like without him. His first memories are already filled withlet's play volleyball!andI want to catch bugs insteadand learning the art of compromise at a mere nine years old.Really, it's almost hilarious how much they've learned just by being beside each other for so long. They literally grew up together, developed together, taught each other about life and then some because that's just how it's always been.(or: living the university life in tokyo leads oikawa and iwaizumi to feelings they didn't think ever needed a name, and the ups and downs of life won't make it easy to pursue them)
Relationships: Hanamaki Takahiro/Matsukawa Issei, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 28
Kudos: 32





	1. what would you do

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mypage](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mypage/gifts).



> me writing a haikyuu fic has been a long time coming, and i'm not even surprised that it would be iwaoi. it's going to be a long and bumpy ride, but i hope you enjoy reading as much as i love writing. things will get heavy at times, but they'll be tagged in the chapters.
> 
> to tia: thank you for letting me scream about my ideas and for encouraging this fic. (and also for screaming with me) you're wonderful <3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iwaizumi's eyes open slowly, meets his gaze with another frown. "Oi," he says. "I'm not going to disappear on you."

There's never been an Oikawa without an Iwaizumi.

At least, he can never remember what life was like without him. His first memories are already filled with _let's play volleyball!_ and _I want to catch bugs instead_ and learning the art of compromise at a mere nine years old.

Really, it's almost hilarious how much they've learned just by being beside each other for so long. They literally grew up together, developed together, taught each other about life and then some because that's just how it's always been.

So when Matsukawa asks him what he would do if his Iwa-chan ever disappeared from his life, the only thing Oikawa says is, "It's never going to happen."

Matsukawa stares at him, raises a bushy eyebrow that Oikawa's begged him to get cleaned up ( _fuck your and society's beauty standards_ , he would say). "That's awfully confident of you, captain."

"First of all—" Oikawa lifts a perfectly manicured finger, eyes narrowed at Matsukawa, "I'm offended you would even suggest that I would ever lose my Iwa-chan. We're, like, inseparable. Have been since we would come home with sunburns in summer afternoons after alternating between volleyball and catching bugs."

Matsukawa stares back without a change in expression.

"Second of all—" he lifts another finger, "Yes, call me captain even though I'm not your captain anymore. Feed my ego, I encourage it."

This time, Matsukawa rolls his eyes. "You're insufferable."

"Thank you." He blows a kiss at him, one Matsukawa responds to with another roll of his eyes. "Why do you ask anyway?"

"Hanamaki and I were talking about it the other night," he says, shaking his now empty cup of iced coffee. "You depend on him a lot, so it's reasonable to wonder what you would do without him. Would you even survive without him taking care of you so much?"

"What kind of man do you think I am?" Oikawa pouts, folds his arms against his chest. "I can absolutely take care of myself! I'm not like the little neko-chan, you know?"

"He's making money off of his streaming thing, isn't he? " Matsukawa points out. "I don't think he's as incapable as you perceive him to be. I won't argue that you two have parallel relationships, though, in a way, with that whole 'being taken care of by my childhood friend' thing you got going for you."

"Aww, Mattsun, are you jealous?" Oikawa exaggerates a pout as he obnoxiously leans in. Stoic as ever, Mattsun just stares back at him. "Did you want a childhood friend you can depend on like I have Iwa-chan? You can depend on Iwa-chan too, you know! He's amazing!"

Matsukawa snorts, shakes his head as he pushes Oikawa away by the shoulder. "I'm good; I have Hanamaki. We may not be childhood friends, but the length of time you know someone doesn't dictate how strong a relationship is."

Oikawa beams at him, links his fingers beneath his chin as his eyes disappear from the genuine mirth in his smile. "That's true! Iwa-chan aside, I really do value you and Makki too! Even if the three of you gang up on me a lot."

"We do _not_ —" Matsukawa begins, but immediately cuts himself off as laughter overcomes him. "I can't even try to deny it. You're fun to tease."

Oikawa scrunches his nose. "I know. Aren't you lucky? The ever so amazing Oikawa-san is so gracious and kind that he would allow you three to gang up on him? I wish I could be one of you so I could be friends with me."

"That's not a bad idea," Matsukawa says. "Maybe once you know what it's like being around you, you'd finally realize how much we put up with—Iwaizumi especially. How he's stuck around you for so long, I'll never understand."

Oikawa chuckles, leans back against his seat with a perfectly crafted smile. "Some things just aren't meant to be understood, Mattsun. You'll hurt your head if you think too much, you know."

"I don't want to hear that from _you_ of all people."

He throws a peace sign up just as his phone buzzes on the table, screen illuminated with a message from Iwaizumi telling their group chat that his class just ended.

 **SEIJORGY  
iwa-chan (´** **♡** **‿** **♡** **`):** help me decide whether to dive head-first into a nice pool of concrete or bury myself alive in a nail-filled coffin  
**makki (¯** **▿** **¯** **):** your head's thick enough to survive the concrete so coffin  
**mattsun (.** **❛** **ᴗ** **❛** **.):** concrete for maximum suffering. those nails would kill you instantly.  
**Me:** how about let us know why we're planning your death in the first place :<

It's then that Iwaizumi details what went on his morning class, how his professor assigned them the arduous task of memorizing the entirety of the human musculoskeletal system by their quiz next week, ignoring the fact that the semester had just barely begun and they've only spent two seconds on major bones thus far. Oikawa makes a comment about how being in advanced classes as a freshman sounds like hell, and Iwaizumi tells him to fuck off like he always does.

Banter floods his messages, a welcome familiarity that's been consistent for years now. He doesn't quite remember how the four of them came to be, how the four of them went from just teammates to the closely knit group they are now, but he supposes it doesn't much matter when it provides stability in an otherwise anarchic world.

His lips curl as his phone buzzes again, this time a separate message from Iwaizumi, asking him if he's already at their meeting spot. He hurriedly types in a reply, informs of the heartache that is spending his entire morning with Matsukawa (who had decided to skip his morning classes just because).

 **iwa-chan (´** **♡** **‿** **♡** **`):** hope matsukawa didn't suffer too much being with you for hours straight  
**Me:** how mean, iwa-chan!!!! >n< if anything, HE tormented ME  
**iwa-chan (´** **♡** **‿** **♡** **`):** good lmao be there in ten

Oikawa puts his phone on the table, smiles to himself. Matsukawa meets his gaze, eyes narrowed. He grins.

"Iwa-chan's on his way," he says.

Matsukawa snorts. "Yeah, I could tell from how wide your smile is."

-

Oikawa finds his mind elsewhere as he sits in class. He stares off into the distance at nothing in particular, idly spinning a pen between his fingers. He thinks back to his conversation with Matsukawa, to the questions he poses about him and Iwaizumi.

He can't help but think of their days in Aoba Johsai, of all the practices and trainings and drills. Oikawa remembers their time as first years, when he had been blessed a starting position and he threw a fit that Iwaizumi wasn't standing on the court with him. It felt wrong; Iwaizumi was his star, and he didn't feel right being in a team without him.

Iwaizumi was tenacious, far more than others realized. He worked hard, practiced, hit Oikawa's tosses until his palms were raw and calloused. He didn't demand attention; he commanded it. It was only a matter of time before the coach saw him shine, and Oikawa knew he played no little part in it.

Oikawa always made Iwaizumi his star, giving him tosses that always bring out the best in him. But Iwaizumi is also a star in his own right, a relentless force that never backs down from a challenge.

He misses it—playing with him. Being on the same team.

Iwaizumi gave up volleyball. So did Matsukawa and Hanamaki. Now it's just Oikawa and this new college team, none of his friends there with him. They still play with him, of course. They help him practice like the good friends they are. But they're already halfway out the door, and he's sure that the only thing keeping them tethered to the court now is Oikawa.

It feels a bit lonely.

"Dude."

He startles, snapped out of his trance as a tall black mop of disheveled bed hair comes into view. Kuroo Tetsurou is a psych major like him, and they quickly hit it off when they met during the entrance ceremony.

It's kind of strange. He had already known about Kuroo before they'd met thanks to an orange-haired middle blocker who might just be the friendliest boy Oikawa has ever met. It was an offhand comment, something about how he wanted to see some rooster-head from Nekoma shut him out.

 _He's like Aone-san from Datekou, but loud and annoying like you!_ Hinata had said.

Oikawa had always been curious since then. If not for the comparison to him, then for the distinct "rooster-head" description.

He never quite expected them to get along this well, let alone become quite good friends. He likes it though, embraces the change of pace that he brings. Hinata's claims of similarity aren't far off. Kuroo _is_ like him in a way—a savant at provocation and reading people, knowing which buttons to push, when and where to push them. He would have thought there'd be more conflict because of this, and he supposes there would be if not for their mutual respect for each other's skill. He can't speak for Kuroo, but Oikawa has enough ego to feel affection for like-minded souls.

Together, they make a formidable pair. At some point, Iwaizumi had called them twins. He and Kuroo shared a look, and Oikawa declared himself the handsome twin.

It took ten minutes of bickering and a punch from Iwaizumi for them to settle on Oikawa being the pretty twin and Kuroo being the handsome twin.

"Sorry," Oikawa finally says, pushing his glasses further up the bridge of his nose. "I was spacing out."

"Yeah, no shit." Kuroo snorts, haphazardly tossing his notebook into his bag. "Class is over, alien freak. Let's go."

Oikawa packs his things, a lot more carefully than Kuroo does, and they head out of the building. They turn heads as they walk, though it's hardly surprising when they stand taller than 180cm and have builds more athletic than most. Oikawa's learned to ignore the whispers and stolen glances, even more so the squeals and loud mentions of his name. He has volleyball to thank for that.

"Hey Tettsun," he calls out, eyes fixated on the path ahead. Classes have been in session for a couple of weeks now, but he still isn't used to the Tokyo air. "I have a question for you."

Kuroo raises a brow at him, hands in the pockets of his jacket, a silent encouragement to keep going.

"What would you do if Neko-chan disappeared from your life?"

And much like Oikawa's reaction, Kuroo huffs a laugh and quickly says, "Never gonna happen."

"So full of confidence, Tettsun." Oikawa pouts. "What if Neko-chan wanted to get away from you? Maybe he'll meet me and realize I'm way better than you and become my best friend instead."

"First," Kuroo says, "Kenma would never. He'd run from you the moment you open that goddamn mouth of yours."

"Hey!"

"Second," he continues, "as if you would ever replace Iwaizumi as your best friend."

"But Iwa-chan's so mean to me," he mock-whines, all bark and no bite. "Maybe Neko-chan would be more gentle and ease my poor, aching heart."

"Why does it sound so dirty when you say stuff like that? It makes me never want to introduce you to Kenma in person. Like ever."

"How mean! I'm an amazing person, like the best person you'll ever meet! He'd love me in an instant if he doesn't already!"

"He doesn't." Kuroo smirks at him, more amused than anything. "Unless you bribe him, I have no reason to believe he would."

"You underestimate me, Tettsun." A smirk spreads across Oikawa's face, one that he knows has aggravated many an opponent across the net. "I'm a wonderful friend. I'm sure Neko-chan will love me even without bribes. You'll see."

"I'd rather not," Kuroo quickly retorts, pulling his phone out to glance at his notifications. The smile on his face is too telling, too obvious. When their eyes meet, Kuroo grimaces at him. " _Don't_."

"I didn't say anything!"

"Your eyes did."

"Come on now, don't blame it on my beautiful brown eyes." Oikawa huffs, reaching over to pinch Kuroo's side. Kuroo yelps, swats his hand away as Oikawa laughs beside him. "I'm all for you and Neko-chan getting together, you know. It would make for such a cute story. Childhood friends to lovers is a classic trope."

Kuroo grumbles under his breath, a tinge of pink dotted across his face. "Trust me, I'm all for it too. It's complicated, though. Also too risky."

Oikawa decides not to press further, instead going off on a tangent about movie tropes that pique his interest. They get into a heated discussion about the place of problematic tropes in fiction until they part ways down the street.

-

Iwaizumi lives ten minutes from campus by foot in a luxury condominium that his aunt owns. It's funny—one would think Oikawa Tooru is its tenant by how friendly he is with the building staff, by how confidently he struts in like he owns the place. He supposes it's what happens when he's there every week even when Iwaizumi isn't home yet.

He lets himself in with the code, toeing his shoes off by the entrance and slipping into the house slippers he left there the first time he came over. He makes himself comfortable in the living room, slumped on the couch as he waits for Iwaizumi to come back.

Oikawa perks up at the click of the door, chuckles softly as he hears Iwaizumi grunt in the distance. He doesn't flinch at the sight of Oikawa, merely regards him with a nod.

"Welcome back, Iwa-chan!" he greets, a little too zealously. Iwaizumi eyes him curiously. "How oh so lonely it is without you!"

"We literally saw each other—" Iwaizumi looks at his watch. "—three hours ago."

"Too long!" he pouts, circling his arms around Iwaizumi's neck once he's settled on the floor. "Tettsun isn't as good company as my Iwa-chan."

"Since when was I yours, idiot?" Iwaizumi grunts again. "I need to study."

"Since forever!" he ebulliently says, grinning from ear to ear. Iwaizumi cranes his neck to glance at him, eyes narrowed and wary. "Now, now, Iwa-chan. No need to look so dubious."

Iwaizumi parts his lips to say something, but whatever it is dies on his tongue as he shakes his head and pulls Oikawa's arms off instead.

Oikawa probably _should_ study with him, what with all the exams and papers he has coming up. Iwaizumi has always been the best person to study with, though Oikawa thinks it could be because of his bias. (Iwaizumi is the best person to do _anything_ with.)

"Don't be annoying," Iwaizumi warns. Oikawa grins at him throws up an affable peace sign. "Seriously."

"Oh ye of little faith," Oikawa whines, poking his cheek. "I'll be good, I promise."

Iwaizumi focuses on his work, and Oikawa uses the opportunity to look around the condo.

-

"Oikawa, are you cleaning again?"

"Just study, Iwa-chan!"

-

It's late by the time Iwaizumi walks into his room to find Oikawa face-down and sprawled out on his bed.

"Oi," he calls out. "Change into sleep clothes before you jump into my bed."

"Iwa-chan, you need to clean up more," Oikawa says as he sits up. "I don't come over for four days and everything's piled up already. How does that even—"

"I keep telling you, you don't have to clean up," he scolds, squishing Oikawa's cheeks between his palms. "Use that time to study instead, Stupidkawa."

"But I want Iwa-chan to have the best living space! At least this way, _you_ can focus on studying. I can get by with Cs, you know. That's all I need."

Iwaizumi sighs, pinches the bridge of his nose, resigns to just dragging Oikawa to the bathroom to get ready for bed.

They stand side by side as they brush their teeth, and Oikawa finds his mind drifting, thinking about all the times they've done this together. Nothing's really changed much over the years except now they're older and living in Tokyo, and they're not in the volleyball team together anymore.

"Hey, Iwa-chan," Oikawa mutters as he puts his toothbrush into the holder, hoisting himself on the empty side of the counter. "What would you do if I disappeared from your life?"

Iwaizumi spits foam into the sink, rinses his mouth before staring at Oikawa with his eyebrows knitted together. He shakes his head as he dries his hands. "That's a stupid question."

"Right?" Oikawa laughs, swinging his legs lightly. "You're stuck with me."

"Unfortunately." Iwaizumi moves toward him, stops in front of him with his face as serious as ever. "You doing the thing?"

Oikawa laughs once more, pulling Iwaizumi closer. The _thing_ , as Iwaizumi calls it, is the skincare routine that Oikawa insisted he do every night for self-care. Iwaizumi is good at taking care of others—Oikawa specifically—but he's absolutely horrible at taking care of himself. It's a short routine fit for Iwaizumi—cleanse, tone, moisturize—but he leaves it to Oikawa whenever he's there.

"You can do this yourself already, you know," Oikawa says as he dabs moisturizer on Iwaizumi's face. "Or do you just love being taken care of by Oikawa-san?"

"Shut up," Iwaizumi quickly answers, eyes closing as he leans in. "It's more relaxing when you do it. It's the setter hands, probably. Really soft."

"It's okay, Iwa-chan, you can admit that you love it when I baby you!"

"I will toss you out in the street."

Oikawa snickers as he pats the cream into Iwaizumi's skin, fingers light as they move over the entirety of his face. His skin isn't all that bad, just dry for the most part. He gets the occasional acne breakout here and there, not as frequent now that he's not constantly sweating through rigorous volleyball practice.

"Hey, Iwa-chan," he whispers, fingertips brushing over the lines developing on his forehead. It's from frowning so much, Oikawa thinks. All these years of worrying and keeping him in check are manifesting all over Iwaizumi's face. "Nothing, never mind."

Iwaizumi's eyes open slowly, meets his gaze with another frown. "Oi," he says. "I'm not going to disappear on you."

Oikawa swallows the lump forming in his throat, heart pounding in his chest at the way Iwaizumi is staring at him, as if looking deep into his soul, reading his mind and unraveling the anxieties he keeps unsaid.

It's always like this with Iwaizumi—Oikawa doesn't really have to say much for him to know that something's running in his head. It's scary sometimes, like he's always going to be naked and bare as far as Iwaizumi is concerned. It's not as though he has things to hide, really, but the thought of being figured out—being understood without a word—is both terrifying and wonderful.

So naturally, Oikawa breaks the silence by pinching Iwaizumi's cheeks and brightly saying, "Aww! Iwa-chan, you love me so much!"

"That hurts!" Iwaizumi yells, knocking his fist on Oikawa's forehead before stepping away. "You're sleeping on the couch."

Oikawa hops off the counter, attaches himself to Iwaizumi's back as they walk back to his room. Iwaizumi always protests, banters with him about sleeping in one bed, but he always gives in at the end of it all. He likes sleeping over—likes being in Iwaizumi's company.

But most of all, he likes falling asleep to Iwaizumi's heartbeat and waking up in his warmth.


	2. the absolute best

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> iwa-chan (´♡‿♡`): show them exactly who oikawa tooru is and why you're the best setter on that team

Oikawa wakes up at five every morning like clockwork. It doesn't matter how much sleep he's had (or how little), he would always wake up at five. So it's not really much of a surprise when he blinks awake right before his alarm blares an annoying tone that he quickly shuts off, careful as he peels himself away from a still-deeply asleep Iwaizumi.

A smile graces his lips as he gazes upon Iwaizumi's face, and he brings a hand up to smooth the wrinkle between Iwaizumi's eyebrows. Iwaizumi's face twitches before it relaxes, and Oikawa cards his fingers through Iwaizumi's hair before rolling out of bed. He pulls the blanket up higher, and Iwaizumi stirs, eyes opening halfway before grabbing Oikawa's arm to tug him back down.

"Iwa-chan, I have practice," he whispers, though he makes no effort to break away. Iwaizumi is a clingy sleeper, and Oikawa can't say he doesn't like the affection that comes with it. It's a side of Iwaizumi that only a handful of people know, a side that comes out when his guard is down completely. "Iwa-chan."

"You have two hours," he mumbles, pulling Oikawa back into his arms. "You have more than enough time."

"How do you know what time it is?" Oikawa asks, though it's really a rhetorical question.

"You always wake up at five. Sleep some more, idiot. You need more rest."

He isn't really going to say no, not when he knows that his commute isn't as long as it was back in high school. At least, not when he's at Iwaizumi's. So he goes limp and allows himself to rest some more, allows Iwaizumi's heartbeat to lull him back to sleep.

-

He wakes up again half an hour later, and this time, he quietly sneaks away and prepares for his day.

The bathroom is just as they left it last night—counter neatly organized with products that Oikawa personally picked out. Iwaizumi is hopeless when it comes to shopping, even more so when it comes to living spaces, so Oikawa took it upon himself to do the shopping for him.

 _I really don't care about this stuff,_ Iwaizumi had said as they walked through Shinjuku.

 _I know_ , Oikawa replied, a grin on his face. _That's why I'm doing the shopping for you_.

He had dragged Iwaizumi around the entire day, made him carry the bags of goodies he picked out. He made a joke about becoming an interior designer, but Iwaizumi quickly shut it down by saying he would drive his clients nuts.

Contrary to popular belief, Oikawa's hair does _not_ take long to style in the morning. If anything, the longest part of his morning is getting himself into a headspace ready to take on what lies ahead.

Today, it's volleyball practice.

He stares at himself in the mirror, adjusts his shirt, makes sure he's looking good. He counts his breaths—deep breath in, deep breath out. Repeat. He does this for a couple of minutes, going over his day in his head before flashing a smile at his reflection.

Now, he looks more like himself.

He hums a song as he heads to the kitchen, pulling the fridge door open to inspect its contents. He had looked into it the day before while he was cleaning, making a mental note to go grocery shopping before he comes back later that day. He feels like a housemaker with all the work he does at Iwaizumi's, but he doesn't really mind. With everything that Iwaizumi's done for him over the years, this is the least he could do.

He wants to do it while he still can.

He leaves a short note along with the food before finally heading out, gym bag slung over his shoulder.

_Don't forget to eat, Iwa-chan!  
_ _♡_ _Oikawa_

-

Sometimes he wonders if all his hard work is worth it.

He already knows that his natural talent isn't anywhere near Kageyama Tobio's or Ushijima Wakatoshi's. He's learned to accept early on that when all experience and effort are stripped away, he will always fall short. It's a fact—one he's fought desperately to prove wrong, yet eventually comes to terms with. It's not something he can change, so he chooses to focus on what he _can_.

Like how well he can bring out the best in his team.

Oikawa has built a reputation in doing just that—drawing out players' maximum potential in any team he plays with. Personal relationships aside, he's a team player and a strategist, a leader that his players completely trust. It's why he became captain in his final year of high school.

He's played in a collegiate team before, back when they were practicing for the Spring Tournament. They didn't like him very much, found him too gaudy for their taste. Still, he blended in seamlessly with the team after just a couple of plays. They liked his sets, liked how easy it was to hit his tosses. No one can deny his skill on the court, regardless of how they found him once off it.

But things are different this time around. He needs to do more, work even harder if he wants to be in the starting lineup. There are setters in the years above him, players with more experience and more rapport with both players and coaches. He has to prove himself all over again, start from the bottom all over again, and part of him begins to question whether this would ever amount to anything. Because while he's already accepted truth and fact, it doesn't mean the feelings that arise from them completely disappear.

The team's current official setter doesn't like him, nor do the other setters who got in through tryouts instead of invitation like he did. He's competition—a formidable one at that—and not everyone is willing to embrace challenge and rise through it.

He's reminded of his own experiences, how differently he treated his successors over the years. Kageyama Tobio. Yahaba Shigeru. He's sure that if you asked them what they thought of him, they'd have starkly different answers. They both turned out alright, though. Kageyama found his place in a team that accepted him as he is, and Yahaba took the reigns in Seijoh with pride and dignity.

As he sits on the floor during a ten-minute break, he finds a message waiting for him in his phone. It's a message in their group chat, a picture of Matsukawa asleep on Iwaizumi's couch, mouth hanging open as Hanamaki takes a pen to his face. On his forehead is _Hanamaki_ , and _Iwaizumi_ and _Oikawa_ are on each of his cheeks. He feels better almost instantly.

He's about to type in a reply when a message pops up from Iwaizumi.

 **iwa-chan (´** **♡** **‿** **♡** **`):** you better be kicking ass  
 **iwa-chan (´** **♡** **‿** **♡** **`):** show them exactly who oikawa tooru is and why you're the best setter on that team

A smile tugs at his lips, one that reaches his eyes and calms his heart. He doesn't send a reply; he doesn't need to. He knows Iwaizumi doesn't need one either. It's meant to be a reminder, a push toward the greatness that he's known for. Being new in a college team doesn't change him; he's still Oikawa Tooru, the best setter in Miyagi, and he's going to be the best setter in Tokyo too.

He returns to practice with eyes focused, body determined, a reignited vigor in his movements as they do another practice match. It still feels wrong without his boys in his team, but it's okay.

He'll play his best for all four of them.

-

"I told you to—"

"Hush, Iwa-chan, just take the groceries! The ice cream's going to melt."

Iwaizumi sighs at him as he takes some of the bags, shaking his head before heading toward the elevator. He dropped by the supermarket on his way back to Iwaizumi's place and bought some groceries to fill his sad and empty fridge. Iwaizumi always protests, but Oikawa knows he would put it off and order takeout everyday if left alone.

Iwaizumi inspects the bags and frowns. "Why the fuck are there three different tubs of ice cream in here?"

"Why not?" Oikawa grins at him as he presses the button for Iwaizumi's floor. "You can pick a flavor depending on your mood."

"Is this for you or for me?"

"Does it matter?"

Iwaizumi expels another sigh just as the elevator doors open.

Matsukawa is still asleep on the couch when they enter, unmoving despite the noise they make as they put the groceries away. They've known each other for over three years now, and he's still amazed by just how much Matsukawa can sleep through. He remembers a time back in high school, when they spent a Saturday evening in downtown Sendai to scream their hearts out at karaoke. Matsukawa fell asleep some time after the fifth song and remained asleep until Oikawa screeched into the microphone sounding like a dolphin, a squealing pig, and audio feedback in one.

"Oh wow," Oikawa says as he sees Hanamaki. He's on the floor, book in hand. "Makki, I didn't know you could read. How cool!"

"Aww, the illiterate admiring those who can read," Hanamaki coos, closing his book once Oikawa and Iwaizumi join him on the floor. "It's okay, Oikawa, it's not too late to learn."

Iwaizumi snickers as Oikawa loudly gasps, eyes wide. He doesn't dwell on it, though. Instead, he asks about his friends' day, whether or not they were productive in anything other than drawing on Matsukawa. Hanamaki shrugs and points at the living room table, littered with papers and books and colored pencils.

He picks up a piece of paper and grimaces at the anatomy diagram half-colored on the page, having unpleasant flashbacks to his high school anatomy class and how much he hated memorizing organ systems. When he looks at Iwaizumi, he's cringing too.

"How was practice?" Hanamaki asks once Oikawa puts the paper back on the table. "You still having trouble with the upperclassmen?"

The question sends Oikawa into a long, animated ramble about the struggles of being better than the current players, how much they hate having a beautiful kouhai stealing the spotlight and taking their place. His storytelling is a lot more comical than how he truly feels about the situation, but it's better to smile through it and laugh than deal with the alternative.

"Now you know how Kageyama feels," Hanamaki says, nudging him on the side.

"How _dare you_ say that name to me! Iwa-chan, Makki's being mean to me!"

Iwaizumi laughs and says, "Oikawa has an Oikawa. I can't believe it. Let's call Kageyama and tell him!"

"Let's do it!" Hanamaki quickly says. "You still have his number right?"

The teasing continues despite Oikawa's protests, the two of them laughing so hard that they eventually wake Matsukawa when Hanamaki accidentally hits him in a fit of laughter. They laugh even harder when the first thing that Matsukawa says as he sits up is how he had a dream about Oikawa and Kageyama playing in one team.

"I'm hungry," Matsukawa says as the laughter finally dies down. "Let's go eat."

"Perfect," Iwaizumi replies. "Oikawa's buying us ramen."

When they've decided on things like this, Oikawa doesn't really have much of a choice. He doesn't mind, though. He already knows their orders by heart, especially after the stunt they pulled during the Spring Tournament Qualifiers, and more time with his closest friends is exactly what he needs after the day he's had.

So they all head out, deciding to walk across the bridge to Ichigayatamachi to the ramen place five minutes from Hanamaki and Matsukawa's place, enjoying the breeze as the sun begins to set. It's comfortable like this—the four of them together, not noticing the time when they're so lost in conversation as they walk. Matsukawa brings up a memory from when they first visited Hosei, and they find themselves reminiscing up until they get to the shop.

As they wait for their food, Oikawa can't help but notice the way Iwaizumi sneaks glances at him. The frown on his face is telling, and he knows what Iwaizumi wants to say without him having to say it. He's worried, Oikawa knows.

In retrospect, Iwaizumi is always worried about him. Not that he really blames him.

The next time their eyes meet, Oikawa flashes him a smile. Iwaizumi just stares at him, clearly unconvinced, but the food arrives before any words are exchanged.

-

They go on their separate ways after dinner. Hanamaki and Matsukawa return home, and Iwaizumi and Oikawa decide to go on a walk through the neighborhood.

A talk is coming. He can see it in Iwaizumi's eyes as they follow the sidewalk with no destination in mind. One foot in front of the other, comfortable silence in between. Moments like this are when Oikawa sometimes wishes Iwaizumi would just opt for a good punch to his gut. Moments like this are when Oikawa knows there's something on Iwaizumi's mind.

"Reminds me of home a little bit," Oikawa says with a hum, looking up at the buildings that stretch toward the sky. "Or maybe it's just because we're walking together at night. I'm feeling a little nostalgic, Iwa-chan."

His tone is light, playful like always. It's an attempt to cushion the emotions he's sure is about to come. Iwaizumi is rarely quiet and pensive like this, especially on a day like this. When the four of them are together, it's chaos and pandemonium. It's why he loves getting together when Oikawa's day isn't going too well.

Oikawa begins to fidget, his nails digging into his palms as he hides them in his pockets. He swallows thickly, eyes ahead, counting street signs and crosswalks. There's still a lot of people walking around, probably taking advantage of the blessed weather of the day. Then again, Tokyo is always busy. Always alive.

"Hey." Iwaizumi's voice pulls him out of his thoughts. He grabs Oikawa's wrist, pulls it out from his pocket. Oikawa blinks at him, watching with his throat dry as Iwaizumi unfurls Oikawa's fingers from his palm. Iwaizumi sighs and grips his hand tightly. "I'm sorry."

"Huh?"

"You were getting restless," he says, thumb tracing over the crescents indented in his skin. "I know it's uncomfortable when I get quiet. I'm just trying to formulate my thoughts, okay?"

Oikawa clears his throat, nodding slowly. "Yeah, that's fine, Iwa-chan." Oikawa smiles, but he knows Iwaizumi sees through it. He always does.

They keep walking, and Iwaizumi doesn't let go of his hand. He doesn't really like it when Oikawa digs his nails into his skin when he's nervous. There's usually no evidence, no way for Iwaizumi to find out unless he sees it, but Oikawa's nails are long enough this time, and all the proof is on his palm.

"Do you regret turning down Chuo?" he finally says as Yasukuni Shrine comes into view.

Oikawa's eyes widen, his heart beating loud. "What? Of course not," he's quick to say, stopping abruptly to tug Iwaizumi to face him. "Iwa-chan, you know I don't regret my choices. I don't regret going to Seijoh to be with you, and I certainly don't regret going to Hosei this time around either."

"I know, it's just—" Iwaizumi sighs, unconsciously squeezing Oikawa's hand. "I don't like seeing you unhappy."

"Iwa-chan…" is all his voice can make out.

"I don't know, Oikawa," he continues, his grip tightening even more. "I don't want to be part of the reason you're miserable, but I know that me not joining the team is a huge part of it. I'm not really sure what to do."

Oikawa finds his smile again, a real one as he starts to walk. Their hands are still joined, arms slightly swaying as the nighttime breeze kisses their skin. Iwaizumi peers at him curiously, and Oikawa glances back still smiling.

"Just keep being Iwa-chan," he says. "You worry too much about me, Iwa-chan. I'm older and wiser now, you know! I'm not the same guy I was, like, months ago. _Besides_ , being here means I get to spend as much time with you as possible! Since you love me so much, you would have been so sad and heartbroken if I were like, hours away!"

"Oi." Iwaizumi huffs, rolling his eyes. The expression on his face is softer, and it makes Oikawa smile even wider.

"It's okay to admit it, Iwa-chan. Don't worry, Oikawa-san will be with you as long as you want."

The air between them has returned to normal as they bicker and banter the way back to Iwaizumi's, Oikawa using the opportunity to tease him about his affection for him. Iwaizumi responds as usual, retorts with witty jabs and the occasional knock to his head.

"You heading back to your place tonight?" Iwaizumi asks as they near his building.

"Aww, did you want me to stay another night?" Oikawa nudges him with his shoulder. "If you say you want me to sleep with you again tonight, I'll stay."

"Oh fuck off." Iwaizumi rolls his eyes and shoves him. "I'm just asking because it's getting late, Idiotkawa."

Oikawa giggles obnoxiously as he hugs Iwaizumi's arm. "Come on, Iwa-chan. Admit it, you like it when we share a bed. Sleepy Iwa-chan is a lot more honest. I miss him."

Iwaizumi responds with a sigh. "Oh my God, whatever. Go wherever you want to. I don't care."

-

Oikawa ends up staying another night, which isn't all that uncommon. They go through their usual routine, talk about this and that in the living room with clay masks on their faces, and try not to laugh at each other struggling to speak through hardened clay.

He washes it off first, letting the warm water calm him as he thinks about their walk. Iwaizumi has always had a kind heart, an emotional soul that bears responsibility that sometimes isn't his to bear. He remembers how much Iwaizumi blamed himself for Seijoh's loss against Karasuno, how much he tore himself down for missed chances and regrettable plays. They bickered about whose fault it was until they found themselves at the gym with the other third years, shedding tears as their high school careers had come to an end.

He remembers their walk home, the words Iwaizumi told him as they strolled through familiar paths. With the moon as their witness, Iwaizumi gave him strength—gave him validation that eased his aching heart, if even just a little.

The sun will still shine, the moon will still rise, the Hirose river will keep flowing no matter how much time passes. Oikawa will be the same—he will keep going, keep fighting.

"You done yet?" Iwaizumi pokes his head into the bathroom, blinking as Oikawa greets him with a teary smile. "What—"

Oikawa shakes his head and beckons him over. Iwaizumi rinses his face after a moment of suspicion, and he steps toward Oikawa to finish off with moisturizer like usual.

"I thought about our walk home from the qualifiers," he says softly once Iwaizumi's eyes are closed. Gentle touches spread the cream over Iwaizumi's face, light pats to finish it off. "You still think that way, right?"

Iwaizumi's eyes open and he smiles, unwavering gazes shared between two people who have been partners since they were children. Unspoken but undeniable truth. Unrivaled friendship.

"Keep going without hesitation," Iwaizumi repeats, just as fervent as the first time he says it. "I couldn't be more proud to have you as a partner and you are the absolute best setter."

Oikawa can't stop the tears that fall down his cheeks as memories overlap with reality. "Even if we're in different teams…"

"Those facts will never change," Iwaizumi finishes, wiping away Oikawa's tears. "Now come on, you crybaby. Let's go to sleep."

Oikawa hops off the counter, follows Iwaizumi to bed. There are no protests this time, just open arms waiting for him, welcoming him into warmth and safety. He looks at Iwaizumi, a weight off his chest, grateful for a best friend so wonderful and supportive.

He parts his lips to speak, but Iwaizumi stops him. "If you say anything to ruin this, I'm going to beat your ass."

So Oikawa says nothing and laughs softly instead.

It doesn't matter. Iwaizumi knows anyway. He always does.

_Thank you, Iwa-chan._


	3. taylor swift and nail polish

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Kuroo Tetsurou posted a selfie with Oikawa and Bokuto on his Instagram story with questionable emojis on them. Knowing them, shit's about to go down."

It's not surprising to him that there's a meal and a note waiting for him in the kitchen when he finally wakes up the next morning. Oikawa has made it a habit to make food for him in the morning whenever he stays over, likely because Iwaizumi isn't the most dedicated to healthy eating habits whenever he's left on his own.

In the times that his parents would leave him at home by himself, he would surround himself in junk food and takeout unless Oikawa drops by with food from his house. He doesn't think he's changed much in that respect, and he's grateful that Oikawa takes the time to do this for him despite being busy.

_Eat, Iwa-chan!!! See you tomorrow.  
_ _♡_ _Oikawa_

He rolls his eyes as he takes the note back into his room, placing it on top of the neat pile in the box on his desk. He's accumulated little notes like this over the course of their friendship, and he's kept them all in a box just like this one. It's not that Iwaizumi is particularly sentimental over things like this, but he always thinks back to the time Oikawa saw him toss a note away when they were kids. The hurt on his face was enough for Iwaizumi to decide on just keeping everything, and he hasn't broken the habit to this day.

Not that he really cares to.

Sure, the boxes take up a lot of space. Almost two decades worth of notes and other trinkets are collecting dust both in his condo and at home in Miyagi. Still, he doesn't have the heart to throw any of them out. Whenever the thought arises, the image of a tearful five-year old Oikawa comes into mind, and he ends up leaving them alone until the next time he chances upon them.

Iwaizumi takes the box into the back of his closet before pulling his phone out to send Oikawa a message.

 **Me:** take care of yourself before you take care of me idiot

The response comes immediately in the form of a selfie. He can see Bokuto and Kuroo in the background, looking like they're in a heated conversation about something. It's likely about nothing important, probably just along the lines of who's going to choose tonight's dinner. Oikawa told him they bicker about the dumbest things sometimes, and Iwaizumi can already pretty much tell that Oikawa joins in whenever the three of them are together.

The three of them became close very quickly, and he supposes that's what happens when they're always in such close proximity. Bokuto and Kuroo share an apartment two floors above Oikawa's, and Oikawa and Kuroo are in the same program and are in the same classes. From what he can remember, Bokuto goes to Keio and plays on their team, so it isn't unlikely that they practice together whenever Iwaizumi, Matsukawa, or Hanamaki can't play with Oikawa.

It's weird not sharing a friend group with Oikawa. All their lives, everything seemed to just be _theirs_. He knows it's inevitable now that their paths have diverged—Oikawa will have his own friends and they may not necessarily become Iwaizumi's.

It's not like Iwaizumi doesn't have his own set of friends now. He finds himself in the company of Azumane Asahi and Kai Nobuyuki every now and then, meeting up at Shinjuku to study together whenever Iwaizumi needs that extra focus. Being with his Seijoh friends is fun and all, but none of them really care too much for studying, and Iwaizumi's program requires a lot of it.

So when Azumane and Kai invited him to study a weekend before a quiz, he agrees without a moment's hesitation. It quickly becomes one of the best decisions of his university life thus far, because they're amazing people to study with. At this point, he's at his most productive when the three of them are together.

-

The first time they saw each other was right before classes began. Iwaizumi was walking around Shinjuku to get himself more familiar with the area.

It was a chance encounter in Shinjuku Subnade. Iwaizumi was looking around to check the stores out before Oikawa was set to move to Tokyo, listing down places he knows he'd want to visit as soon as he unpacks. Oikawa is meticulous when it comes to volleyball, when it comes to his living spaces and Iwaizumi's. He's not as meticulous when it comes to planning trips and vacations. That's where Iwaizumi steps in.

As he stopped by a store with eyeglass frames to show Oikawa, he noticed a familiar man not too far away. He recognized Azumane immediately; the way he averted his gaze pretty much confirmed it for him. He was with someone he didn't know, though he vaguely remembers watching him play at Nationals. He figured it was someone from either Nekoma or Fukurodani since those were the schools Karasuno was close with.

 _Hi, I'm Kai Nobuyuki_ , he had introduced, smile on his face as Azumane followed closely behind him. _You're from Aoba Johsai right? Would you like to join us? I'm showing Azumane-san around Tokyo right now_.

He had glanced at Azumane, who nodded with a shy smile, and joined the two of them on the outing.

They've been in touch ever since.

"I'm stressed," Azumane says as he slumps in his chair. "I didn't think things would get so busy so quickly."

They're in their usual café in Shinjuku, occupying a table in the back corner of the room where there were more than enough outlets for each of them to use. They have had three rounds of drinks and two rounds of pastries. Iwaizumi sets his pencil down and stretches his arms over his head, and Kai does the same.

"I hear you," Iwaizumi replies, craning his neck. He gathers the loose pieces of paper on the table into a neat stack and sets them aside. "I have so many diagrams to do and so much shit to organize, it's insane. How are you doing, Kai-san?"

"Not as bad as you two seem to be," he says, smile kind. "Want another round of coffee? My treat."

" _Please_ ," they both chorus.

As Kai stands to fall back in line, Azumane and Iwaizumi find themselves in conversation about their respective high schools. They haven't really had much opportunity to get to know each other until now, and he supposes that it would have been difficult to regardless because Azumane was supposedly intimidated by him this entire time.

"I don't think that way anymore though!" Azumane reassures him, pulling his hair tie off to redo his bun. "I mean, you're still definitely intimidating, especially when I see you with Oikawa, but you're actually really nice! A lot less scary when you're not yelling and glaring all the time."

"Thanks?" Iwaizumi laughs, thinking about all the times they saw each other back in high school. It's not really surprising that he gave off that kind of vibe. The only times they ever really encountered each other was for volleyball games, after all. He's an intense player and even more intense vice captain. He needed to be because of who exactly their captain was.

Kai returns with three fresh cups of coffee, and the three of them discuss what they've heard about their respective high school teams. Iwaizumi comments about how fun it would have been to play Nekoma, having told Kuroo this same exact sentiment when they first met. Iwaizumi loves spiking, especially past skilled blockers, and would have loved a chance to play against Kuroo and smash past him.

"Oh yeah, Iwaizumi-san, you're really cool," Azumane says. "Tanaka and I couldn't stop talking about how cool you were when you took on the iron wall at the qualifiers."

"You're pretty cool yourself, Azumane-san," Iwaizumi counters, offering him a genuine smile. "From one ace to another, I'm actually really glad we got to play each other before graduating. You have my respect."

Azumane flounders with his words as his whole face turns red, which Kai decides to snap a picture of to send to Sawamura and Sugawara.

They get back to work not long after that, silence comfortable as all three of them focus on their respective assignments. When it's time for them to part ways, they take a photo for social media, and Iwaizumi can't say he isn't amused by all those expressing their absolute shock that they had all somehow become friends.

-

"Dude, call your wife."

Iwaizumi raises an eyebrow as he walks in to find Hanamaki lounging on his couch. It's become a common occurrence—Iwaizumi would be outside, going about his day, and there would be someone lying down on his couch whenever he gets home. Oikawa is the most common culprit, though Hanamaki is a close second. Matsukawa, interestingly enough, only comes over when Oikawa and Hanamaki are around.

"What'd Oikawa do this time?"

Hanamaki snickers. "I absolutely _love_ how you just accept that he's your wife now."

Iwaizumi rolls his eyes. "We would end up going back and forth for ten minutes if I don't."

The whole wife thing started in the beginning of their third year. They were in the middle of training the first years when one of them accidentally called Oikawa "mom." The silence that followed was deafening. Until Oikawa laughed so obnoxiously and said, _Does that make me Iwa-chan's wife?_

They usually revert to the nickname when Oikawa does something that needs Iwaizumi's attention.

"Kuroo Tetsurou posted a selfie with Oikawa and Bokuto on his Instagram story with questionable emojis on them. Knowing them, shit's about to go down."

Iwaizumi rubs at his temples. Hanamaki definitely has a point. The last time Kuroo posted a selfie with all three of them with questionable emojis on them, Oikawa ended up with a hole on his shoe and his underwear practically disintegrating.

Oikawa didn't explain. Iwaizumi didn't ask.

All he really knows about the incident is that three pairs of boxers fell victim to whatever it was they decided to do that night, and Bokuto had apparently received a harsh scolding from someone named Akaashi Keiji.

( _He's another pretty setter like me!_ Oikawa had explained.

_Who the fuck says you're pretty?_

_How mean, Iwa-chan!_ Oikawa pouted until their dinner arrived.)

"How long ago was the selfie?" Iwaizumi sets his bag down on the table, pulling his phone from his pocket to check for any messages that could hint at what The Powerpuff Girls might be up to. He doesn't usually intervene when they're planning on mischief, but Oikawa's mom is supposed to call tonight and he'd rather she not have to see just what the university life has been doing to her son.

He peruses through the pictures Oikawa sent throughout the day, scanning each one for background clues that may help. So far, all that he's noticing is the slow progression of messes Kuroo and Bokuto leave as the photos go by. Everything looks okay enough, but there wasn't anything odd in the photos from The Incident either, so he can't really say he can relax.

The last photo was two hours ago. A lot could have happened from then to now.

Salvation comes in the form of Matsukawa Issei, who sends a video of Oikawa on the street, holding up a cardboard sign with his name and cat and owl doodles on it while singing (screaming) off-tune to The Love Song of Aoba Castle. The video ends when Oikawa looks into the camera, brazenly walks closer, and winks.

Iwaizumi resists the unbearable urge to spike his phone to the wall out of secondhand embarrassment.

"I can't—I just—" he babbles, settling on guttural noises that make him sound more cavemanlike before losing himself in uncontrollable laughter, joined by Hanamaki who hasn't stopped replaying the video since it was sent to the group chat.

They're still laughing when the door opens and Oikawa waltzes in, hands on his hips, Matsukawa following after him with an amused look on his face. Iwaizumi tries to calm down to speak, but one look at Oikawa and the cardboard sign in his hand and he's back to falling over and clutching his belly, tears in his eyes as he struggles to find his bearings.

-

They haven't really stopped laughing thanks to Oikawa and his shameless retelling of tonight's adventure.

His mom had called soon after he arrived, and he wasted no time in informing her of what he had just been doing. It was his punishment, he said, for losing a bet against Bokuto and Kuroo. He called Matsukawa ahead of time to get video proof since Bokuto and Kuroo wouldn't be here.

He was so proud of himself that he asked Matsukawa to send her the video too. In all the time that he's known her, Iwaizumi has never seen Oikawa's mom laugh this hard until tonight.

When the call ends, they gather in the living room, finally able to breathe and calm themselves.

"What bet did you even lose?" Hanamaki asks as he plops down on the couch, a daiquiri in hand.

"Oi, careful not to spill," Iwaizumi warns as Oikawa sets coasters down on the coffee table.

"Mommykawa'll take care of it." Matsukawa snickers. "But seriously, how the fuck did you end up doing that in the middle of Chiyoda?"

Oikawa sits cross-legged on the floor, sipping on his own daiquiri, grinning as his mouth meets the lip of his glass. "It's all Kou-chan's fault, really," he says once he takes a sip, carefully setting the glass down on one of the coasters. "He was all, 'I wonder who's better at reading people between the two of you!' and naturally, Tettsun and I got competitive over it."

Oikawa rises to his feet for yet another dramatic retelling, acting out all three of them in the story and how Bokuto gave them a challenge to talk to someone of his choosing and whoever that person found more annoying wins. They argued about who Bokuto should call since Kuroo was already familiar with the rest of Fukurodani. It had to be someone neither of them had really played before.

"After a lot of trial and error—Kou-chan got rejected a lot—he somehow managed to convince Kiryu Wakatsu from Kamomedai to participate in our game. In retrospect, it really was pretty much just us figuring out who was more annoying, so I'm perfectly fine with losing!"

"Oh my God, poor guy..."

"Anyway, he said that Kuroo was the most irritating guy he'd ever met, so naturally, the punishment was for me to do. It was a lot of fun."

Iwaizumi shakes his head, unsurprised by the confidence. Oikawa likes to fool around when he can, likes to have fun in between his volleyball schedule. It's not really a problem to Iwaizumi so long as he's relatively safe. All he really cares about is making sure Oikawa can always smile genuinely, if even just once a day.

"You've gone viral, by the way," Hanamaki says, tossing his phone at them. On the screen is Oikawa's videos on Hanamaki's twitter account, numbers steadily rising. "You're welcome."

He looks through the replies, finds words from old teammates and acquaintances, most of them finding the video hilarious, the rest getting secondhand embarrassment. Those from Karasuno had easily picked up on the owl and cat doodles, flooding the mentions with "This has Bokuto and Kuroo written all over it."

Their friendship isn't really surprising to people. Not anymore, at least. When they had first posted together, it caused a lot of confusion. Now, the general consensus is that it just made sense.

(And as Bokuto had put it, Oikawa was the Sam to his and Kuroo's Clover and Alex, the Blossom to his and Kuroo's Bubbles and Buttercup.)

"Don't look so upset, dude," Hanamaki whispers into his ear. "Oikawa's always put you first."

"What?" Iwaizumi snorts, shaking him off as he leans in. "I don't care about that. The fuck?"

Hanamaki backs off with a smirk, and it irks him enough that he grabs his daiquiri and chugs its contents down.

He doesn't care about that kind of thing. Oikawa deserves to have people around him who can make him smile and laugh, people who can drag him out on adventures and bring him new and fond memories. It doesn't matter who it is, so long as Oikawa has it.

-

"Okay!" Oikawa clasps his hands together in a loud clap. All of them are decently buzzed, which is rather surprising considering the weak alcohol content of the mix they bought. Then again, it was probably offset by how _much_ they drank. "Time for the Oikawa salon."

Oikawa hums out loud as he pulls out his travel bag of beauty supplies. The three of them were already used to it, had seen and used Oikawa's stuff for years to this day. Oikawa had made it a point to open their eyes to "the absolutely magical world of hygiene care." Oikawa has always been adamant about nail care, and the rest of them got dragged into it.

It's not so bad, though. Iwaizumi finds the time relaxing, like he can just shut his mind off while getting his nails done with Oikawa talking his ear off beside him. It's like a monthly thing for them at this point—Oikawa sets an appointment at his favorite nail salon, Iwaizumi lets them do whatever Oikawa tells them to, and he comes out of it with pretty hands.

Sometimes, they'd do it at home with Matsukawa and Hanamaki. Like tonight.

"This is so extra," Hanamaki says as he inspects the multiple sets of tools. "Like why so many?"

"Sanitation, Makki!" Oikawa says, sounding offended. "We won't have time to disinfect after each person so I just got more tools. Number one rule of using any sort of tools on your body is to make sure it's sterile!"

Oikawa then proceeds to lecture them about the importance of sanitation, especially on anything they're going to use on their precious hands. Hanamaki and Matsukawa have already tuned him out, busying themselves with the selection of nail polish colors Oikawa has in his bag. Iwaizumi just deadpans at him.

He finally stops when Iwaizumi holds his hand out, and Oikawa gets to work.

Iwaizumi would never say this out loud, but Oikawa doing his nails is one of his guilty pleasures. One of those simple joys in life. He doesn't know what exactly about it that he finds so placating, and he'd rather not think too much about it lest he risks ruining the experience.

It's like the skincare thing. Iwaizumi can do it, has learned from Oikawa, but he'd rather let Oikawa do it. He's better at it anyway.

"Iwa-chan, you cut your nails on your own again, didn't you?" Oikawa pouts at him, wrinkle between his eyebrows. "Look how uneven this is! Look at all those jagged edges! Be more gentle with your hands, Iwa-chan! This is unacceptable!"

"It was getting too long," he defends, mirroring his frown. "You still haven't found a place you like, right? It'll grow out again by the time you—"

"I told you to leave your nails to me." Oikawa huffs, still pouting like a child.

"This is one of the weirdest things to get mad about," Matsukawa interrupts, inspecting his nails. They're painted turquoise, a similar shade to Aoba Johsai's school colors. "Then again, it _is_ Oikawa."

"Hey!"

"Careful, he might stab you with the tool," Iwaizumi quips.

The room erupts into laughter as the night grows deeper, the four of them doing their nails like they often do during their sleepovers. At some point, Matsukawa takes control of the music and starts playing Taylor Swift's Speak Now album, saying something about how he wants to feel things tonight. None of them argue with him, just nod and sing along to the songs as they play. Usually, this means Matsukawa has something on his mind that he can't talk to them about yet, and they won't press him if he isn't ready.

"Can I paint your nails this time, Iwa-chan?"

"Do whatever you want."

Oikawa beams at him, and Iwaizumi watches as he inspects the bottles of nail polish he has with him. When left alone like this, Oikawa usually picks some outrageous color that Iwaizumi would yell at him about. To his surprise, Oikawa goes for black this time, and Iwaizumi finds his chest tightening.

Something feels wrong. It's strange considering how _good_ this day had been, considering how much fun they've been having together. Still, it nags at him, squeezes his heart like a warning of the calm before the storm. He stares at Oikawa, who's painting Iwaizumi's nails with his tongue poking out the side of his mouth.

He looks fine—a lot better than when they had talked about his decision to go to Hosei with him. But maybe that's precisely it—maybe Oikawa is trying to hide that he's struggling because he wants to protect Iwaizumi from the guilt of being the reason he's here instead of elsewhere.

"Iwa-chan?" Oikawa calls out, suddenly in front of his face. "You're spacing out."

"Huh?" Iwaizumi blinks. Oikawa had already finished with his nails. He holds his hand out, looks at the shiny black that coats his nails. "You're way too good at this."

"I had a lot of practice." Oikawa grins, throws a peace sign in the air.

No, Iwaizumi is probably just overthinking things. Oikawa's fine. He would tell him if something was wrong.

Right?


	4. the pudding cat and the great king

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "What do you think being in love would be like?"

Kozume Kenma is a bit of an enigma. At least, that's what Oikawa thinks at first glance.

He's quiet, logical, methodical, analytical. The brain of Nekoma is an apt nickname, absolutely fitting of someone in a setter position. Oikawa has seen him play, seen his intelligent style of playing. What he lacks in athleticism, he makes up for with strategy. He's brilliant to say the least.

So it always baffled him how someone like Kenma would willingly surround himself with rambunctious characters like Kuroo or Bokuto or Hinata.

All things considered, Oikawa supposes that Kenma's acceptance of his invitation to spend time together isn't that much of a surprise.

(Regardless, Oikawa still took some time staring at his phone when the _sure_ message arrived, unbelieving that it was real.)

"Welcome, welcome, Neko-chan," Oikawa singsongs as he opens the door.

Kenma stands by the door, fingers wrapped around the straps of his backpack. His gaze drops to the floor before meeting Oikawa's, albeit only for a brief moment. He looks like he's nervous, which is understandable considering he's practically a stranger with a reputation that isn't exactly the best.

_An amazing player with a rotten personality._

He can only hope that his friendship with Kuroo gives him a little bit of good rapport.

"Hi." Kenma says, walking in once Oikawa steps aside to let him through. He's noticeably on guard as he scans the interior of Oikawa's apartment. He only visibly relaxes when his gaze lands on Oikawa's TV and the gaming systems he has set up in his living room.

"Want anything?" Oikawa asks as he opens his fridge to grab himself a glass of water.

Instead of answering, Kenma says, "You play?"

Oikawa laughs softly and shrugs, taking a sip of his water. Kenma's eyes are lighting up, curious, still guarded but less so now. "Sometimes. I'm not very good, but I can at least beat Tettsun and Kou-chan."

Kenma snorts. "That's not much of a benchmark."

Oikawa is relieved to see the smile that slowly spreads across Kenma's face as he sets his things down. He brings him a glass of water of his own before urging him to sit down on the couch, booting up the TV and handing him a controller. "Go crazy."

Kenma eyes him suspiciously, his eyebrows pinched together. Oikawa thinks it's reasonable to be wary. Kenma probably wasn't expecting to be with someone he knows to be loud and obnoxious and be offered a game right from the start.

"What's the catch?" Kenma asks, taking the controller in his hands. "Are you trying to bribe me for Kuroo secrets or something?"

With a chuckle, he shakes his head. "No, nothing like that. I just wanted to spend time with you, Neko-chan!"

Kenma presses his lips together in a moment of quiet contemplation.

Oikawa lowers his voice as he looks at the TV, watches as Kenma browses through the games he has downloaded. "Maybe I'm lonely and wanted some company."

"Okay," Kenma says as the screen goes black and the game loads.

-

**tettsun ( =ω= ):** WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN KENMA IS AT YOUR PLACE  
**tettsun ( =ω= ):** WHAT IS HE DOING THERE  
**tettsun ( =ω= ):** OIKAWA TOORU I SWEAR TO GOD  
**tettsun ( =ω= ):** you better not make kenma uncomfortable

Oikawa laughs as he shows Kenma his phone, shaking his head. "Tettsun's freaking out too much, don't you think? So protective. I wouldn't do anything bad."

"He's overprotective." Kenma maintains an impassive expression as he scrolls through his own messages from Kuroo to show to Oikawa. True enough, there are plenty of messages checking up on him and asking if he was doing alright at Oikawa's. "He's always like this. Even when I complain, he never stops."

He hums. "I get you. I have my own overprotective best friend, though he expresses it differently than Kuroo does."

Kenma looks at him and tilts his head. His resemblance to a cat really is uncanny. It's cute.

"He hits me, " Oikawa continues, laughing once more when Kenma's eyes widen. "Headbutting is his specialty! It's okay, though, he does it out of care. I'm really stubborn, you see. One-track minded, especially when it comes to volleyball. I never quit, I work myself to exhaustion, and it's the necessary intervention to someone as stubborn as me."

"Sounds painful."

"It is, but I'm kind of used to it. I get self-destructive sometimes, and Iwa-chan usually drags me back down the right path. Kuroo probably doesn't have to do those things for you since you're not bad like me."

Kenma's cheeks puff out as he chews on the taiyaki Oikawa prepared while he was in the middle of a game. Boxed, frozen taiyaki isn't as good as a freshly made batch, but Kenma doesn't seem to mind. If anything, he strikes Oikawa as somewhat similar to Iwaizumi in that they'd typically eat what's prepared for them. Though Kenma seems like he'd be a pickier eater.

"You have volleyball, I have video games," Kenma says with a shrug. "Kuro would tell you that my gaming is just as self-destructive. He drags me out a lot, says I need to get air. I bring my handhelds anyway."

A couple of hours have passed since Kenma arrived, and he's gradually become more comfortable with him. He thinks his PlayStation played a huge role in it, but he'd also like to think that Oikawa's natural charm didn't fail him with Kenma. Either way, conversation began to flow, although they also spend a good amount of time in silence.

In retrospect, he supposes that it's possible that Kenma feels more at ease _precisely_ because Oikawa doesn't mind his silence. Oikawa doesn't really mind if Kenma doesn't say anything, if he chooses to focus on the TV instead of anything that he's saying. If he's being honest, this is one of the reasons Oikawa wanted to befriend him in the first place.

Sometimes Oikawa just wants to talk, wants to say what's on his mind without someone having anything to say about it.

He loves his friends. He does. He wouldn't have gone through a lot of what he has without them, but sometimes he just wants someone to listen—someone who won't respond to him with solutions, logical arguments, or over-empathetic eyes.

If Kenma has something to say, he's the type not to say it. Not to a practical stranger, at least, and he's grateful for that.

"I… I wasn't expecting you to be like this. I expected you to be more…" Kenma trails off.

"Loud? Annoying? Obnoxious?" Oikawa finishes, a grin on his face. "Oh, I'm definitely all three of those. Call it a gut feeling, but I figured that kind of personality wouldn't work well with you, and I'm trying to be your friend."

Catlike eyes stare into his, scanning him for any remote hint of deceit. "You read people well."

"As do you."

A beat passes before Kenma nods and says, "I do."

-

"Wh—You're—Kenma's laughing. With you. Oikawa. Oikawa Tooru. Kozume Kenma, laughing with Oikawa Tooru. What."

"That's me!" Oikawa beams, peace sign by his cheek, tongue poking out of the side of his mouth. "Now, now, Tettsun. I _told_ you he would love me! I can't believe you would doubt the amazing Oikawa-san."

Kuroo looks at Kenma, and Kenma just shrugs and says, "I don't dislike him."

Kuroo stares at them like a deer caught in headlights having caught him and Kenma laughing together like they've been friends for a long time. He's very obviously taken aback, but the shock dissipates into his own laughter, eyes alight with joy.

"Oh, thank fucking God," Kuroo exclaims, lips stretching into his trademark grin. "I would have dropped your ass if Kenma didn't like you. I'm relieved you get along. Here I thought you would just be annoying and Kenma would text me saying he never wants to be around you."

Kenma grimaces at him. "He's not as annoying as Lev and I still hang out with Lev."

"Not willingly," Kuroo points out, and Kenma grimaces once more. "Regardless, I'm relieved. Fucking ecstatic! Though I'm pretty sure Bokuto's going to get really jealous."

"Huh? Why?" Oikawa asks curiously.

"He's never hung out with Kenma one-on-one."

The two of them launch into a good-natured bicker. Kuroo has that look on his face that makes others want to punch it off, and Oikawa finds it absolutely hilarious how Kenma remains expressionless despite Kuroo getting increasingly animated.

Their argument (if it could even be called that) ceases when Oikawa makes a loud declaration that it's time for dinner. They spend half an hour discussing their options, with Kuroo and Oikawa going off on a tangent about _The Paradox of Choice_ until Kenma calls them out for being nerds. Kuroo lectures him about how choice overload is real, and Kenma stares at him for a quiet moment before pointing at Oikawa's phone.

"Just pick," he says.

"You know what—" Oikawa places his phone in Kenma's hand. "— _you_ pick."

A decision is made in less than a minute,

When they've finally decided on a menu, Oikawa goes into the next room to place the order. Servers for the app he usually uses are down, so he has to do it the old-fashioned way and call the place directly. When he informs his company, Kenma scowls, displeased by the mere idea of having to call.

"Worry not, Neko-chan! Oikawa-san is here to save the day!" he says before disappearing into the next room.

The process is quick. Barely even a couple of minutes.

Oikawa stills as he hears hushed conversation once he's done. Kuroo is asking questions about Oikawa, about whether Kenma really is fine or not. Oikawa's about to laugh at how much of a worrywart Kuroo is being when Kenma speaks—

"Tooru… is in a lot of pain… and I don't know if anyone notices."

-

They've finished dinner and have moved onto doing actual schoolwork, remembering that they have assignments due in the coming week.

The three of them stay in the living room, with Kuroo and Oikawa making use of the coffee table while Kenma lounges on the couch while playing video games. Kuroo forces him into breaks every now and then, chastising him for never looking away from the screen.

 _Pity your eyesight, Kenma!_ he would say.

Oikawa chuckles. "You sounded like Iwa-chan just now."

"Oh?"

"Yeah," Oikawa hums, twirling his pen between his fingers. "He always gets mad and nags me whenever I stay up watching volleyball games, especially during tournament season. He'd make some snide comment about how my eyesight is so poor because of it."

"He's right."

Oikawa shrugs, a smile on his lips. He doesn't really mind—it's a small price to pay, he thinks. Besides, he looks amazing in glasses.

He takes a selfie at that thought, sends it to Iwaizumi, who responds with, _i can't believe you convinced kozume-san to hang out with you_.

Oikawa pouts and shows Kuroo. "Why do you all not _believe_ in how amazing of a person I am? Of course, Neko-chan would hang out with me! I'm great, aren't I?"

"He's here for the video games." Kuroo smirks. They look over at Kenma, who's been deeply engrossed in the game this entire time. It's a particularly difficult, he says, and then tells them that he's going to tune them out until he gets past it.

They return to their work.

And Kuroo keeps staring at him.

He noticed it earlier, right after dinner. He can only assume that it's because of what Kenma said earlier, though Oikawa isn't sure what exactly is on his mind now. He'd rather not think about it—it's one of those things Kuroo will say eventually.

And he does.

"Hey, Oikawa," he mutters, uncharacteristically serious. "We're friends."

Oikawa's throat dries, and he shifts uncomfortably in place. He flashes a smile. "I know. You're the handsome twin to my pretty twin, remember? And with Bokuto, we're the Powerpuff Girls and Totally Spies. I still think you should be Blossom and Sam, though. Red and all."

Kuroo doesn't humor him with a laugh. Instead, he says repeats, "We're _friends_." More emphasis on the word.

Oikawa maintains his smile. "I know, Tettsun." After a moment of silence, he adds, "Thank you."

-

"Do you mind if I call Iwa-chan for a bit?"

Kenma shakes his head.

Their little hangout ends up in a sleepover when they realize how late it's become. Kenma insisted that he can still catch the last train, but Kuroo told him it's better for him to stay over. Much to both Kuroo's and Oikawa's surprise, Kenma agreed on the condition that he stays at Oikawa's apartment.

Oikawa doesn't really mind, but he _does_ wonder why. Considering they're best friends, he would have assumed he'd feel more comfortable staying at Kuroo's rather than someone he hung out with for the first time today. Kenma doesn't explain, though, and neither of them ask. If Kenma wants to say why, he will.

He holds his phone up as he opens FaceTime and calls Iwaizumi, who picks up on the second ring. His face fills the screen, and Oikawa can't help but smile as he catches sight of the specks of white on his face.

"Iwa-chan, put your moisturizer on properly!" he scolds. "Let it really absorb into your skin. You've seen me do it millions of times."

"You called right in the middle of me getting to that, stupid," he retorts, setting his phone down on the counter. Iwaizumi pats the product into his skin, and it looks like he's trying to mimic what Oikawa does when he does his skincare. "There, better?"

"Better," he confirms. He tilts the phone to show Kenma on camera. "Say hi to Neko-chan."

Iwaizumi blinks. "Oh, hello, Kozume-san."

Kenma looks into the camera and nods. "Kenma," he corrects. "Hello."

"Hello, Kenma-san."

He shudders. "Just Kenma."

As Kenma looks away, Oikawa laughs. "Give it up, Iwa-chan. He feels more comfortable being called by his first name."

"Okay, well, I hope Oikawa isn't torturing you too much," Iwaizumi says. Oikawa gasps and calls his name. "What? You know how you can get sometimes!"

Oikawa whines at him, though he sneaks a wink at Kenma when their eyes briefly meet. He turns his attention back to his phone, watches as Iwaizumi's video shakes from him moving. He's exiting the bathroom, plopping down on his bed.

"Sleeping already, Iwa-chan? That's a surprise."

"'m tired," he says, punctuating his statement with a yawn. "Spent almost the entire day in Shinjuku with Azumane and Kai. They were so focused on studying that I felt like I needed to win."

"At _studying_?"

A beat passes. "Yes. Shut up. Don't say anything."

"So cute, Iwa-chan. Getting competitive over studying. It's definitely like you, though. Did you eat the food I left in your freezer?"

"No, I'll eat it for breakfast tomorrow. I ate, though. You worry too much."

Oikawa huffs at him. "I don't want to hear that from _you_."

-

Their call doesn't last long. Iwaizumi eventually falls asleep and starts snoring midway through the call, and Oikawa takes a couple of screenshots of him before ending the call.

With how much Iwaizumi has been studying lately, he isn't really surprised that he's easy to fatigue. In the years that they've known each other, Iwaizumi always felt more tired studying than he ever did playing volleyball. It's understandable—mental exhaustion is real. He admires Iwaizumi for being able to focus on so much memorization; Oikawa could never.

Kenma clears a level just as Oikawa sets his phone down.

"You can stay in the spare room, or you can stay out here too if you want to keep playing. There's a TV in there too if you want to take the console with you into the room."

Kenma sets the controller down and stares at him. When their eyes meet, Oikawa feels like Kenma may be feeling a little more comfortable around him, especially when he detects far less discomfort than when he first arrived.

"You FaceTime with your best friend." It's a statement with a questioning lilt towards the end.

"Mm, yeah, when I'm not staying over."

"Every time?"

"Yes."

When Kenma turns back to the TV, Oikawa takes it to mean that the conversation is over, so he goes to his bathroom and gets himself ready to turn in for the night.

He yelps when he steps out and Kenma's there waiting for him, standing nearby with his back hunched, fidgeting with his fingers. He looks back and forth from Oikawa to the floor a couple of times, seeming like he had something he wanted to say. Oikawa waits, lets him take his time, asks if he would feel more comfortable sitting down in the living room again.

So they go back and Oikawa keeps his attention elsewhere until Kenma speaks.

"Tooru," he calls, "you've been in relationships, right?"

Oikawa tilts his head. "Yeah?"

"What was it like?"

"Being in a relationship?"

Kenma nods. "Being in a relationship, being in love, having a partner."

There are two things that immediately enter Oikawa's train of thought. First, he never would have expected such a question from Kenma. He had always seemed so distant to the thought, though he supposes that's a biased point of view considering it's what he gathers from what Kuroo tells him. Second, with his notorious dating history, he can't really say he's ever been _in love_.

Kenma watches him closely, legs pulled up to his chest, cheek resting on his knees. He always has a serious look on his face, but there's something rather solemn about the way he peers at Oikawa, the way his lips press together into a thin line.

"I'm going to be honest with you, I wasn't really ever in love with any of my exes." Oikawa leans against the couch, lifting his gaze to the ceiling. It wasn't like he started dating out of wanting to be with someone. It was more like people confessed and he would accept. He did eventually come to like the people he dated, though never enough that they would take precedence over volleyball or his friends. That wouldn't be being in love, right?

When he explains as much to Kenma, he sits in contemplative silence, hugging his knees closer, the hand gripping onto his arm tightening.

"What do you think being in love would be like?" Kenma asks, head hanging low, hair falling forward. "Since you weren't in love with your exes."

Oikawa thinks about it for a moment, wonders about all the stories he's heard about falling in love both in real life and in movies. He thinks about all the people who have confessed to him, told him they were in love with him, detailed exactly how they felt about him and how they got to that point. He's never experienced that kind of thing—never really known that type of exhilarating ecstasy of falling in love.

"I'd think it'd be like how I feel about volleyball," he finally says. Kenma looks up, seems startled by the comparison. "When I found volleyball, I just felt so elated. Even now, I get this rush whenever I think about standing on the court. Sometimes, it gets hard. I've had moments when I wanted to quit and give up on the game, but I always find my way back to it, you know? Whether it's because I'm reminded of why I play in the first place or discovering a new reason to love playing, I always come back to it.

"I imagine falling in love and being in love with someone would be similar. Getting that euphoric rush when you discover your feelings, everything just making you excited about being with them, doing stuff with them." Oikawa pauses to glance at Kenma, a small smile on his face. "But I wouldn't really know for sure. I think everyone has their own definition of falling and being in love, and we won't know what it is until it happens."

Kenma audibly exhales, his eyebrows pinching together. The silence that follows after his explanation is quite comfortable. Oikawa subdues his curiosity and forces himself not to ask, instead finding himself pondering over his own words, wondering if there ever will be someone he'd regard like he does volleyball. It seems too farfetched considering his dedication to the game, but it's not entirely _impossible_. Just highly improbable.

"What about Iwaizumi?'

Oikawa startles at the question, blinking a couple of times before a smile spreads on his lips. "Doesn't count. Volleyball and Iwa-chan go hand in hand."

"Even though you're not playing together anymore?"

"Of course," he says. "We've been partners from the moment we started. That's not going to change just because we don't play together anymore. We may have started with volleyball, but we sure as hell won't end with a lack of it."

Kenma seems to take this to heart, if the way his eyes soften is any indication. Another moment of silence looms between them, and Kenma soon relaxes and shifts to sit cross-legged on the couch. To Oikawa's surprise, Kenma leans on him, head on his shoulder.

"Neko-chan?" Cautiously, Oikawa calls out.

"It smells too much like sex in Kuro's apartment."

He doesn't say any more than this. He doesn't have to. Oikawa understands, and his heart clenches at the cadence of Kenma's voice. Soft like always, but somber, the way he would imagine the sun sounds like during a winter storm as it fights to shine through thick gray clouds.

He realizes then that Kenma's questions were to look for comparison, to find validation for the feelings he must have been keeping inside. It's hard to talk about feelings—Oikawa knows this firsthand. He's someone who masks his emotions with frivolous antics and humor, interrupting any serious moment with jokes regardless of tone or mood. It's easier. It probably doesn't help him that his feelings are for his best friend, someone he should be able to tell.

Oikawa doesn't say anything either, just brings a hand up to lightly pat the top of his head. Kenma doesn't need him to say anything, much like how Oikawa only needed Kenma to listen to _his_ thoughts. So the night proceeds in silence, with only white noise buzzing in the background. Kenma eventually falls asleep on his shoulder, and Oikawa carries him to the guest room and tucks him in.

He really does look like a cat, curled up into a ball, gripping onto the blanket once he's comfortably underneath.

It's a good thing that Oikawa has learned the art of self-control—he probably wouldn't be able to keep himself from punching Kuroo in the face otherwise.

-

Kuroo is there first thing in the morning like he expected. Oikawa's barely out of bed when the doorbell rings, and he trudges to the front door in his pajamas, hair disheveled, rubbing at his eyes. He has coffee and breakfast with him, a grin on his face.

"Morning, sunshine," he greets. Oikawa wants to punch the grin off his face, and not because of what he realized last night. His smile is just annoying and it's too early in the morning. "I'm going to go wake Kenma."

"Dude, let him sleep. He stayed up late last night."

"He always does," Kuroo says, a skip in his step as he walks to the spare room. Oikawa sighs and lets him go, sitting down in the living room with a cup of coffee in hand.

Kuroo's yelling and probably tearing the blanket off Kenma while doing so. He can hear faint grumbling that progressively increases in volume, which he realizes is from Kuroo physically dragging him to the living room.

Oikawa watches as Kuroo smoothes out Kenma's hair and hands him a breakfast sandwich from the bag, as Kenma takes it with his eyes half-closed and body lightly swaying from fatigue. Kuroo scolds him for staying up late playing video games, talks about his health and how bad his habits are. He's reminded of Iwaizumi, though if it were him, Oikawa would be receiving a fist to the top of his head right around now.

He doesn't really understand it.

In the time that he and Kuroo have known each other, they've talked about his feelings for Kenma. He and Bokuto began their little arrangement because of what they claim are unrequited feelings, but his conversation with Kenma the night prior proves that assumption false. Kuroo's fooling around because the thought of Kenma not returning his feelings is too much for him, yet Kenma's not feeling well because of Kuroo's fooling around.

They really should just talk it out, but Oikawa forces the thought away from his mind. He can't judge—he doesn't know anything other than what they say. For all he knows, love is a lot more complicated than what he assumes it to be. He doesn't get an opinion on this, not when it's for Kuroo and Kenma to deal with.

All he can really do is be there for them both. (And hope he doesn't tear out all his beautiful luscious hair in frustration in the process.)

They both eventually leave after breakfast, with Kuroo still expressing disbelief over how much Oikawa and Kenma get along. His jaw hangs open when Kenma hugs Oikawa goodbye and asks if he could stay over again. Oikawa tells him he's always welcome, and that he's a message away if he needs anything. Kuroo mumbles something under his breath that he can't quite make out, but if anything, Oikawa thinks it might be a jealous sentiment.

When he meets up with Iwaizumi later that day, he asks him the same question that Kenma did.

"What do you think being in love would be like?"

Iwaizumi raises an eyebrow at him and grunts. It makes him laugh, but it's so characteristic of his Iwa-chan.

"Dunno," he says. "Don't really think about it. I'll find out when it happens. Shouldn't _you_ know? You're the one who's been in relationships."

"Never fell in love with any of them." Oikawa shrugs. Iwaizumi looks shocked. "Don't look at me like that, Iwa-chan. You of all people would know if the great Oikawa-san were to fall in love. You'd be first to know!"

"Fair," Iwaizumi admits with a shrug of his own. "You're too much of a volleyball idiot to fall in love with someone anyway. Volleyball is always going to be your top priority."

"How mean, Iwa-chan! You're my top priority too, you know?"

"How would that even work? You can't have two top priorities."

"Says who?" Oikawa pouts, folds his hands across his chest. "I prioritize both you _and_ volleyball! Besides, you two go hand in hand anyway."

"I don't play volleyball anymore, Stupidkawa!" Iwaizumi rolls his eyes at him.

"So? You'll always be one and the same to me."

Oikawa swears there's a faint red that colors Iwaizumi's face as their eyes meet, but it's too unlikely that he brushes it off as his imagination.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think oiken besties


	5. what is love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Intuition does that sometimes and warns us about something coming.

It's been a couple of days, and Iwaizumi finds himself deeply pondering the meaning of love after Oikawa poses the question. He hasn't really thought about the topic, having not had much time to. Volleyball has always kept him busy, always kept him focused on playing and everything else to do with the game. Oikawa's one-track mind doesn't help either, considering Iwaizumi finds himself having to reel him in when he pushes himself too far. Now, he has his academics.

Granted, it doesn't keep him _as_ busy as volleyball would—no training, no tournament preparations. All he really has going for him is studying and schoolwork, which gives him more than enough time to start thinking about other things. He can afford to get sidetracked, what with him always being on top of his work. Still, he finds that he doesn't have much interest in it.

Not that he would deny an opportunity should it present itself.

He's in Shinjuku with Azumane and Kai when the thought enters his mind again. They're in the middle of a break when Azumane brings up his relationship in passing. He doesn't really make a big deal about it, just shares an anecdote about his boyfriend as if the two of them had known all along.

In retrospect, Kai probably did.

"You're in a relationship?" Iwaizumi asks. Azumane smiles sheepishly at him as he nods. "Oh, wow, how nice. How long has it been?"

"A couple of months," he says, still bashful. Azumane reminds him of a bear. A bit gruff on the outside, but absolutely soft and warm on the inside. "I can't take the credit for making it happen, though. Nishinoya has always been the more forward one of the two of us. He _did_ say he got tired of waiting for me to make a move, so he decided to just do it himself."

"That's cute! What about you, Kai?"

"Nope, none for me," he says. "I had a girlfriend in high school, but she moved to Kyoto. We talked about doing long distance, but we ended up agreeing that it wasn't for us so we broke up."

"It isn't for everyone," Azumane adds. "Miyagi isn't that far from here, but it's still a challenge. When you go from seeing someone almost every day to once every couple of weeks, it takes a lot of getting used to."

"I'd imagine it would take a lot of communication," Iwaizumi thinks out loud, thinking back to the conversation he had with Oikawa when they were deciding universities to attend. Even with friendships, he'd assume long distance is a challenge. Oikawa would have been insufferable for sure. "You doing okay, though?"

"Oh, yeah, absolutely." There's a twinkle in Azumane's eyes, proof of the affection he holds for his boyfriend. Call him a romantic, but his heart flutters a little bit. "It really is difficult, but I'm determined to make it work. It's him after all. Besides, we're making it work together."

As Azumane continues to tell them about his relationship, Iwaizumi's mind again drifts to his best friend. Oikawa has had plenty of relationship experience in the time they've known each other, but he can't say he can recall a time when his eyes would twinkle like this talking about his exes. If anything, the only time his eyes light up is when he's playing volleyball or when he's with his friends.

 _Never been in love with any of them_ , Iwaizumi recalls him saying. Looking back, it was pretty obvious. None of them ever managed to wrangle him away from the court. None of them ever managed to even remotely made him _want_ to step away once he entered the gym to play.

Oikawa would live and die on the volleyball court, and he can't really imagine anyone being able to change this.

-

"Did you know that Azumane's in a long distance relationship?"

Oikawa tilts his head, an amused smile on his lips. "What's this? Iwa-chan is gossiping? About _relationships_?"

"Shut up," he hisses, offering an eye roll. "You were the one who started talking about love and shit first. I ended up thinking about it more, and Azumane mentioned his boyfriend so I asked."

"That's cute, though! Long distance sounds hard. Props to him!"

The two of them are on their way to meet up with Hanamaki at a nearby court. They usually play together on the days Oikawa doesn't have practice because _of course_ Oikawa wanted to play more. Besides, they all still like playing, and it gives them a good workout anyway.

"Would you ever do long distance?" Iwaizumi asks as they reach the crosswalk. It's busy out today; Tokyo had a lot of foot traffic to begin with, but today even more so. "Knowing you, you probably wouldn't survive. You're too clingy."

"I mean, if it were like my old relationships, it would probably work out. I wouldn't feel the need to _have to_ make time to see them." Oikawa shrugs, puffing his cheeks out thoughtfully. "But if I were in love, then I would do my best to make it work. Why, Iwa-chan, are you planning on leaving?"

Oikawa nudges him with a teasing grin, and Iwaizumi rolls his eyes as he knocks a fist onto his forehead. The light signals for them to cross, and they make it across the street as the gym edifice comes into view. According to Hanamaki, the court is in the apartment building his friend lives in, and they were able to reserve it today.

What Hanamaki fails to tell them is that said friend is Semi Eita from Shiratorizawa.

"Yo," Hanamaki greets them at the door with Semi following closely behind. "You guys know each other already so we can skip the introductions, right?"

"Nice to see you again, Ei-chan," Oikawa says, annoyingly perky. He smiles in satisfaction when Semi's lip visibly twitches in response. "Thanks for having us."

" _Don't_ call me Ei-chan," he says before turning to Iwaizumi. "Hello, Iwaizumi-san."

"Hello, Semi-san," he returns. Oikawa snickers beside him. "Thanks for having us."

"It's no problem." Semi beckons them forward, leading them down the hall and into the elevator.

The building is fairly large and luxuriously decorated, definitely somewhere you would expect a Shiratorizawa alum to live. Semi always did strike him as someone who came from money, though that could be said about anyone from Shiratorizawa. (It also could be said about anyone from Seijoh, but he's always assumed that Shiratorizawa has them beat when it comes to a wealthy student body.)

"I'm going to guess it's you two versus me and Eita," Hanamaki says as he unzips his jacket and tosses it one of the benches in the court.

"For now, at least," Iwaizumi says. "We can switch later."

They all nod and get started on warming up, with Iwaizumi paying close attention to Oikawa. Years of playing together have culminated the habit of making sure Oikawa stretches properly, and everyone knows that habits like that are hard to break.

Oikawa is the only one of them to still play competitively. Even then, Semi is still as good as he remembers him to be. His jump serves aren't as powerful as Oikawa's, but they're still powerful in their own right. Even Iwaizumi struggles to dig it, and he's someone who's had to receive Oikawa's serves a million times over.

"Damn, and here I thought I only hate Ushiwaka," Oikawa mutters under his breath, a smirk on his face. When Iwaizumi looks at him, he sees that glint in his eyes. It's a look of respect, an acknowledgment of skill, and Iwaizumi knows that Oikawa is enjoying himself. "Prepare yourself, Ei-chan!"

Semi grimaces at the nickname and tells him not to call him that before readying his stance. Oikawa takes a deep breath before tossing the ball in the air, and as soon as his palm hits the surface, even Iwaizumi finds himself flinching at the sound.

Semi digs it, but it bounces off his platform toward the side, and Iwaizumi and Oikawa win the set.

"Shit, that's nasty," Semi remarks, shaking his head. "You really are good at that."

Oikawa laughs softly as they gather by the benches to take a break. They're already profusely sweating and Iwaizumi feels his muscles working harder than usual. He's not complaining though. It's a familiar burn and a welcome one.

"You're not so bad yourself," Oikawa says, offering a more sincere smile. "I like you better than that other setter. The one with too-straight bangs. I like pretty setters better."

Semi snorts. "Did you just call me pretty?"

"I tell it like it is!" Oikawa beams at him. "One of these days, I'm going to make a pretty setter group chat, and it'll be you, me, Neko-chan, Aka-chan, and Refreshing-kun." When Semi raises an eyebrow, Oikawa clarifies, "Kenma from Nekoma, Akaashi from Fukurodani, and Sugawara from Karasuno."

"Oh my God," Semi remarks, though a laugh soon follows. "Are you friends with all the setters?"

Hanamaki cackles. "Except one."

"Shush," Oikawa quickly says, tossing a towel at him. "We don't talk about that guy. I'm friends with the important setters. That's all that matters."

"You're absolutely insufferable, you know that?"

"Thank you!"

Their break proceeds with more friendly conversation, and Iwaizumi finds it amusing how easily the two get along. He's happy about it though, remembering something their coach said before they graduated. _Your rivals on the court can be your greatest allies both on and off of it_.

Oikawa looks like he's enjoying himself, but Iwaizumi feels a knot in his stomach. He doesn't really understand it, doesn't really know why it's there, but it's irritating him. Whatever it is, he ignores it, figures it's nothing. No use in fixating on it.

-

They play a couple more sets until they run out of time, and Semi is gracious enough to allow them to shower at his place before they leave. Upon entering his apartment, the first thing they notice is the amount of instruments in the living room. A drumkit, a keyboard, a couple of different guitars, a violin. Even a cello sits in the corner of the room.

It's then that they're informed that Semi Eita is now a musician, and he plays in a band that Hanamaki is interested in joining.

"Do it!" Iwaizumi encourages. Oikawa takes a shower first, and the rest of them sit in the living room while waiting. "You being in a band kind of really makes sense."

"You think so? I was going to tell Matsukawa, but he's been kind of out of it lately so I've just been leaving him be."

"Where _is_ he anyway?" Semi asks, handing them both a glass of water. "I was surprised you asked me to come play. Isn't this usually a thing you four do?"

"Yeah," Hanamaki says, frowning. "Like I said, he's been kind of out of it. He told me yesterday to ask if you can play instead."

"I haven't seen Matsukawa like this in a long time," Iwaizumi says, mirroring the frown on Hanamaki's lips. "The last time he was like this was, what, two years ago?"

"Yep."

The conversation stalls there, and Iwaizumi thinks back to that time. They never did find out what was going with him; he returned to normal one day, and that was the end of that. He's sure that it'll be similar this time around, but it's still worrying regardless. He doesn't like it when his friends are going through something and he doesn't know how to help.

Iwaizumi has always been a dedicated friend, and if they asked him of something, he would do it in a heartbeat if it were within his power.

The four of them continue to hang out for a while longer, with Semi and Oikawa deeply engrossed in conversation about the whereabouts of the rest of Shiratorizawa's alumni. Oikawa knows that Ushijima went to Chuo (he had been very vocal about his displeasure when he found out that Oikawa turned down Chuo's offer), but he doesn't know where the rest of them are.

"Everyone in the regular team except me and Tendou are still playing competitively," Semi informs them. "Reon's with Ushijima in Chuo, Soekawa and Yamagata are still in Miyagi. In Tohoku. Tendou's in Paris learning fancy pastries."

"That's—Well, that's something," Iwaizumi exclaims. "Fancy pastries in Paris. That sounds like heaven, not going to lie."

"Oh my God, it's hell for us in the group chat!" Semi whines, pulling his phone out to show them all the pictures that Tendou sends of his creations. "The time difference makes it hard for us to have a conversation with him, but he sends us pictures whenever he can and it's absolute hell. Especially when it's past midnight, and he's sending us an experiment he made for dinner."

As Semi goes off on a long rant about Tendou's lack of consideration for the past-midnight munchies, Iwaizumi can't help but notice the blank look in Oikawa's eyes. He's distracted, staring off in the distance, lips pressed into a thin line. He sees Oikawa's hands clenched, nails digging into his palms.

Iwaizumi feels his stomach churning again, and it's much stronger this time.

"Oi," Iwaizumi calls out, pinching his side.

"That hurts, Iwa-chan!" he yelps, pouting at him. His hands relax.

Oikawa returns to normal after this, but the dread continues to pool in Iwaizumi's gut, and it's a little difficult to ignore.

-

"I wonder what's going on with Mattsun." Oikawa sighs, hands in his pockets. Iwaizumi wonders if he's balling his fists again. "The last time he was like this was two years ago."

"That's what I was saying earlier too."

They're on their way to the station, walking side by side. Oikawa drags him off to the side after a couple of minutes, bringing out a bottle of sunscreen. _You have to reapply every two hours!_ he had said, handing him the bottle once he's applied it on himself. Iwaizumi slathers it on in a hurry, and Oikawa chastises him for being so rough on his face.

"Hold on," Oikawa says, fingertips against his face. Iwaizumi stills, finds himself frowning as Oikawa pats his skin. "There, better. See, you need to be more careful, Iwa-chan. If I weren't here, you'd be walking around with little spots of white on your face."

"I wouldn't be applying sunscreen at all if you weren't here," Iwaizumi says. He doesn't know why this feels so strange—it's not like Oikawa doesn't do this regularly. Maybe it's because he's already been feeling weird, and anything is making him feel on edge. The big question surrounding Matsukawa probably doesn't help.

They resume walking, and he hears Oikawa sigh. "Mattsun… If he hasn't told Makki, he probably won't tell us, huh?"

"Probably…" he trails off, echoing the sigh.

"I guess there are just things that you can't tell even your best friend."

"That's true."

Oikawa gasps loudly. "No, Iwa-chan! You're not supposed to agree! You're supposed to say, ' _No, Oikawa-san! There's nothing I would ever keep from you! I tell you everything! You know everything!_ '"

Iwaizumi smirks, teases, "Everyone has secrets, you know."

It's mostly teasing, but the way Oikawa's face changes adds to his concerns. It's suddenly serious, the air around them crisp and cold. Iwaizumi has never really had to worry about _Oikawa_ keeping secrets—the two of them so often together that he often bares witness to anything that he might possibly want to keep to himself. It's the same the other way around, so he doesn't quite understand the doubt that suddenly flashes in his eyes.

Iwaizumi frowns, his own heart clenching with doubt. It could be different now. The two of them aren't always together like they used to be. It's a truth he doesn't want to think about, especially when a part of him prides himself in being the one to know Oikawa best.

Oikawa begins to laugh and smile again. "Oh, Iwa-chan. Does that mean there's something you've been keeping from me, hmm?"

The shifts in mood are bemusing, but he likes Oikawa better when he's smiling like this. Oikawa keeps teasing, keeps prodding, and the first thing that pops into his head is the collection of notes he's kept over a decade. His face feels warm. Maybe it's the afternoon sun rearing its head.

"Oh?" Oikawa remarks, eyes lighting up. "Iwa-chan, you're blushing! You _do_ have something you're keeping from me!"

"Shut up, I don't!" he says defensively.

"Oh, you _do_! You're a bad liar, Iwa-chan. What is it? A girlfriend? A boyfriend? Your undying love for me?"

"Fuck off," he hisses, rolling his eyes, shoving him off when he gets a little too close. "It's nothing. Just your stupid notes."

"My notes?" Oikawa blinks.

"Yeah, I've kept them." He chooses not to say exactly how much he's kept.

"Aww, Iwa-chan!" he coos, hugging Iwaizumi's arm. "It's so cute how much you love me. Can I see the collection? Did you keep it in a box? You're so cute, Iwa-chan! I'll write you more notes!"

"Oh my God." Iwaizumi sighs heavily, shaking his head. "Shut up. Don't."

But really, Iwaizumi doesn't mind if he does.

-

He and Oikawa part ways early that day. Iwaizumi decides to work on a project he has, while Oikawa mentions something about having to meet up with his group for a project. He'll be with Kuroo, he says, and they really have to focus so he won't be on his phone much.

As the sun sets and the moon rises high in the night sky, Iwaizumi lies down on his bed, staring up at his ceiling. He's physically exhausted, but his mind hasn't stopped racing all day. That odd feeling in his gut has been plaguing him, keeping him from fully concentrating on what he has to do, and he isn't really sure what to do about it.

He considers asking Oikawa, but he remembers that he's going to be busy the rest of the night.

So he calls his mom, tells her about the vague feeling and how it's been annoying him for a while now. She says that intuition does that sometimes and warns us about something coming.

"You've always been a worrier, though, Hajime," she says, warm smile lighting up his screen. "You worry too much for your own good. Don't you always get like this right before an important event? Maybe you're just feeling the butterflies since your birthday is coming up."

"Maybe," he says, nodding but unconvinced. "Yeah, maybe that's it. It's my first birthday here in Tokyo after all. I'm probably just nervous about it for some reason."

"You and Tooru not doing anything this year? How's he doing?"

"Probably just dinner like always."

His birthday often falls right before Interhigh qualifiers, so they rarely have time to do anything other than have dinner with his family. Volleyball has taken over so much of his life that it takes priority over other things. Oikawa always prepared something during practice for him, but he probably wouldn't be able to this year because of their different schedules. Something about that slightly disappoints him, but he doesn't dwell on it.

"Hajime?" his mom calls his attention.

"Oh, sorry, spaced out a little bit. Oikawa's fine, busy with volleyball as always. It's a little disconcerting not being next to him this time around, but I think he's better with his overworking. I think. I don't know, it's Oikawa. He needs constant supervision."

His mom laughs softly. "You and Tooru have always looked out for each other. It was like that when you guys were kids, too. Do you remember that time when you both came home tattered and scratched? You got all competitive over tree-climbing."

He remembers it clearly. It started off as a stupid bet when they saw a squirrel one afternoon, and Oikawa had loudly declared that he could climb a tree as well as squirrels do. Iwaizumi called him a liar, said that he would be better at it than Oikawa, and the two of them bickered about it until they decided on actually doing it.

They both fell off, and they fussed over each other before walking home hand in hand. Years later, they found out that they both tried caring for each other first despite both being in a lot of pain, and he thinks that this story is rather representative of how their relationship has developed.

They don't challenge each other to tree-climbing anymore, but it's become habit for Iwaizumi to take care of Oikawa, put him first. He thinks Oikawa feels the same way about him.

The conversation with his mother lasts for about an hour. When he hangs up, he checks his messages, frowns at the lack of Oikawa in his notifications. It's getting late, and that nagging feeling in his stomach is telling him something's wrong, but he tries not to listen to it and remember that Oikawa is with his group working on a project. Kuroo is just as fussy as he is when it comes to his friends, so he's in good hands.

But then Kuroo calls him and asks for Oikawa, and Iwaizumi's entire body goes cold.

"What do you mean?" Iwaizumi says, voice low. "He isn't here. He said he was going to be with you for a group project."

"Huh? No. We played volleyball with Bokuto for a couple of hours then he said he would meet up with you. He's not there?"

"No." Iwaizumi grits his teeth. "Thanks, Kuroo-san. I—Sorry, I have to go."

"Wai—"

He doesn't wait to hang up. Iwaizumi balls his fists as he gets out of bed, steely steps walking out of his apartment without a second thought. His mom's voice rings in his head.

_Intuition does that sometimes and warns us about something coming._

"Fucking hell, Oikawa Tooru," he mutters under his breath, the night air hitting his face and reminding him how off he's felt all day. He should have listened to himself, paid more attention to the distant looks in Oikawa's eyes, especially when Semi started talking about the rest of Shiratorizawa.

He should have known. He should have fucking known.


	6. take a second to breathe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Oikawa," he whispers, his gaze fixed and steady. "Let's go home."

The cold wind whistles, screeches as the city blurs behind him in his speed. Iwaizumi's feet are quick and unhesitating, moving on nothing but instinct and dread. City lights disappear in his haze, all the sights along the way obscured by the vines of trepidation that wrap around his heart. He can hear his heart beating loud and imposing in his ears, feels his blood rushing through his entire body.

He feels like he's on fire, set ablaze by the thought of the worst and the unbearable churning in his stomach. He can't think clearly, mind completely fogged by the desire to find Oikawa as soon as he possibly can. His body is moving on its own, far quicker than his brain can process, desperate to reach its destination. It doesn't matter that he isn't really thinking, that he's being propelled by adrenaline.

He's at the gym before he even realizes it, blinded by the fluorescent lights that greet him as he tries to catch his breath by the entrance. His throat is parched, and he's so winded from sprinting that everything looks like it's spinning. The only thing he sees clearly is the recognizable sight of littered balls all over the court floor.

Slowly, he starts seeing red, starts feeling the rage burn and overcome what had originally started as worry. He's so angry that he marches inside the court, his shoes squeaking against hardwood floors with every hard step.

Oikawa's silhouette in the distance is unmoving, unbothered by his presence. He knows already.

"What the _fuck_ do you think you're doing?" Iwaizumi's voice echoes and reverberates around the room, and it's amplified by the emptiness of the night.

"Aww," Oikawa whines with his back still facing Iwaizumi, the tension visible in his shoulders. "Here I thought I could keep practicing without you noticing. I was doing so well, too!"

"Don't do that, you fucking idiot. You _know_ better than this. You _know_ that you need rest and that working yourself until you're passed out on the floor isn't going to help."

Iwaizumi's voice rises, and he hates the way he sounds when he's yelling like this. His throat feels like it's going to close, and his airways still burn from the run from his apartment to the gym. Oikawa still refuses to face him.

So he walks over, grabs his shoulders, and forces him to turn around.

The way Oikawa stares at him isn't anything he hasn't seen before. He knows what it means, knows what his eyes are screaming as they bore into Iwaizumi's.

He needs this, they're telling him. He needs to do more. He needs to keep practicing. He needs to keep working.

He can't afford not to.

It's when Oikawa is thinking this way that Iwaizumi becomes even more obstinate about making him stop. It isn't rational, and he knows Oikawa is aware. Oikawa is someone with extreme self-awareness and drive, and they're both his biggest strengths and his biggest weaknesses. He's gotten better over the years, and Iwaizumi plays no little part in helping him. Still, he knows that it's inevitable to spiral and regress—it's a flaw innate in humans.

"Get to packing," Iwaizumi instructs. "I'm going to clean up. We're going home immediately after."

"No," Oikawa says, gripping stiffly onto the volleyball in his hands. It's as though holding it tightly is the only thread left keeping his mind tethered to control and sanity. "No, I can't go yet. I still need to—"

" _We're going_ ," Iwaizumi repeats, fingers still curled into his shoulders. "You can go back with me willingly or I can drag you out by force. I'm good either way, but I'm not leaving here without you. You know I won't."

Oikawa shakes him off, grits his teeth as he drops the volleyball onto the floor. The bounce of the ball. It bounces a couple of times, interrupts the stillness in the air before coming to a roll and hitting the wall.

"I can't!" Oikawa shouts, holding his head in his hands. "I can't slack off now, Iwa-chan! You of all people know that I can't! Ushiwaka is—"

"I don't give a fuck what Ushiwaka is doing or where he is or whatever!" Iwaizumi yells back, hands finding their way to Oikawa's face, palms resting against each cheek when Oikawa lowers his. "I don't care about Ushiwaka, but I care about _you_. Resting isn't slacking off; you know this. Do you want to get injured again?"

"Iwa-chan, I—I just—" Oikawa's eyes meet his in that blatant despair that Iwaizumi has seen far too many times in the past. He hates it, hates the way his eyes dim and lose color. Desperation is a powerful force, one that's held onto Oikawa so tightly that it can either push him forward or drag him down. Oikawa deflates, shoulders sagging, and Iwaizumi would do anything not to see him like this.

"Oikawa," he whispers, his gaze fixed and steady. "Let's go home."

He quiets, their shared regard a hushed moment so familiar to them both. It's filled with an intimacy common between them, a conversation that needs nothing more than the stillness in the room to calm their aggravated hearts.

"Okay," Oikawa finally says, placing his hands on top of Iwaizumi's. "Okay."

"What, no 'Iwa-chan, are we about to kiss right now?' this time?" Iwaizumi quips.

Oikawa finally cracks a smile, light back in his eyes as he takes Iwaizumi's hands off his face. "I mean, if you want to so bad! You can always ask, Iwa-chan."

Iwaizumi breathes out, snorts out something resembling a laugh. It's more relief than anything else. "That's better," he says, and Oikawa's smile turns sheepish.

"I'm sorry," he says as he starts gathering the stray volleyballs nearby.

"I know," Iwaizumi says, following his lead. "Make sure to get back to Kuroo. He said he was messaging you, but you weren't replying."

Oikawa huffs a laugh as he tosses a volleyball at him. "Check my phone. I'll bet you a popsicle that he was whining about Kenma."

-

Iwaizumi buys Oikawa a popsicle at the nearby convenience store before they head home.

-

"Iwa-chan, you're fussing too much," Oikawa whines. "I'm not going to sneak out."

They're back at Iwaizumi's apartment and Oikawa is tucked into his bed, face-down on his pillow. Iwaizumi spent the entire walk lecturing him about the dangers of overtraining, adding in other things he's learned from his classes. Oikawa had made jokes about him using his advanced education against him, but Iwaizumi responded with a good-natured fist to his shoulder.

( _That hurts, Iwa-chan!_

Iwaizumi frowns. _Not as badly as an injury would, Stupidkawa._ )

"You have before, so I'm taking precautions."

Oikawa sighs as he shifts positions, lying on his side and reaching over to drag Iwaizumi to lie down next to him. Iwaizumi yelps and nearly drops his phone, but he manages to catch it after it slips from his hand. Oikawa says nothing more, and Iwaizumi knows that it's because sneaking out isn't exactly anything new to him.

It was back in their third year, right at the beginning of the school year. He had been so overwhelmed by the thought of defeating Ushijima and Shiratorizawa at the Interhigh Tournament that he would sneak out at night to practice serves at a nearby outdoor court. An alumnus who goes to the local college introduced him to the court, and they would play there together without anyone else's knowledge.

Until the night that Iwaizumi had been out on a midnight walk, unable to sleep because that was the time he was debating whether to continue volleyball or not. They got into an argument about the dangers of sneaking out at night, with both of them scolding each other for going out so late when they're supposed to be preparing for the season.

"What'd they say?" Oikawa asks, arm draped over Iwaizumi's middle.

"Kuroo says Bokuto's pouting about it. He understands, though."

"Bokuto's just as bad as I am when it comes to late practices, you know."

"So?" Iwaizumi mirrors Oikawa's position, stares into his eyes. "I told you, I only care what _you_ do."

"You're too much sometimes, Iwa-chan," Oikawa mutters, scooting over to hide himself in Iwaizumi's chest. He's taller, but he always makes himself smaller during times like this, curls up just enough to be able to rest his forehead on Iwaizumi's heartbeat. "You're not responsible for me, you know. What I do isn't on you. It's my life, my body, my pain."

"I reject that," Iwaizumi says, pulling Oikawa close to him. "It's never just _your_ pain, you idiot. Get it in your head already that I hurt when you hurt. Don't you feel the same way when I get injured?"

Oikawa falls silent.

The memory of the tree-climbing incident flashes in his mind, the way Oikawa screamed when Iwaizumi fell off. Oikawa always says that they fell off at the same time, but it wasn't really the case. Iwaizumi had fallen first—lost his footing halfway up. Oikawa had already been sitting on a branch, and he screamed as Iwaizumi's body hit the ground.

Iwaizumi landed on his back, so he saw everything. The way Oikawa panicked and jumped off, ignoring all rational thought and reason. The way he landed on his feet and rolled his ankle, ending up face-first in the dirt beside him. They yelled at each other, both in pain, but Iwaizumi knows they were both more concerned about each other.

He eventually feels Oikawa relax in his arms, hears his breaths evening out as he falls asleep. Iwaizumi doesn't know what time it is, has lost track since he had checked when they got back to his apartment. He slowly pulls away and walks out into the kitchen, pouring himself a glass of water.

The churn in his stomach had abated somewhat throughout the night, but it's back now and roaring at him more fervently than before.

Is this still intuition or his overprotectiveness toward Oikawa? Is this a premonition or too much worrying like his mother says? He doesn't know at this point, but he's hoping it's the latter.

-

The feeling continues to grow, and he's beginning to think that something might be wrong with him. He's constantly on edge, constantly breathless, constantly wondering if something bad is going to happen. The dread builds and pools in his gut, multiplies and grows exponentially the more time passes. When left alone, it makes him nauseous, and he can barely focus on his classes.

"You look like hell," Hanamaki greets one afternoon. They're at a hole-in-the-wall restaurant near the university that Hanamaki discovered thanks to Semi. He had joined the band since last they spoke, and he seems like he's been having a lot of fun with it.

Iwaizumi grumbles, "Thanks. So do you."

Hanamaki looks a lot better than he does, which he can only assume is because of the distractions of his new job. If not for the band, he's convinced that they'd look more alike.

They're in the same boat of persistent unease, with them still brooding over both Oikawa and Matsukawa. Oikawa is as normal as he could possibly be, and this normalcy is exactly what makes Iwaizumi unsettled. Matsukawa, on the other hand, is still acting rather distant, and none of them know what exactly is going on.

"Still nothing?" Iwaizumi asks after they place their orders. "With Matsukawa, I mean."

"Nothing," he confirms with a sigh, slumping in his chair. "I feel like it's getting worse, honestly. Or maybe I'm just overthinking it because I haven't been home much thanks to the new job. Shit, maybe he doesn't like that I'm in a band now. I mean, he said he supported me, but what if—"

"Hey," Iwaizumi interrupts. "Matsukawa isn't like that. You know he isn't. He _does_ support you. This is the guy who supported you throughout all the stupid shit you did in high school, including those dumb pranks you did that led to a week's suspension."

"I mean, yeah, but it's different this time. We're building a life together. It's not just my shit and his shit anymore, you know? There are things we have to do together now."

Iwaizumi gawks as Hanamaki begins to ramble. "Hold on," he says. "Pause. Rewind. What do you mean 'building a life together'?"

"Like, building a life together." He gestures vaguely.

"Huh?"

"Like, we're trying to become a family. With all that love and sex and domestic shit."

"What."

"Huh? You didn't know?" Hanamaki's lips twitch into an amused smile. "Damn, are you just the least observant person on the planet? It's not like we've been hiding it. We literally live together and do everything together. We go on dates. We sleep in the same bed."

Iwaizumi feels like he's been splashed with cold water, drenched by the hurricane of a reality that's been staring him in the face this entire time. He goes through his thoughts, all the blatant _relationship_ things that Hanamaki and Matsukawa have done that he's just simply brushed off as friendly. He feels like an idiot.

No, he _is_ an idiot.

Hanamaki bursts out laughing, slapping his thigh as tears form in his eyes. "Holy shit, Iwaizumi. We're as gay as gay can be and you seriously thought all of that was _platonic_? I'm going to pee myself from laughing so hard."

"Listen, I—" he cuts himself off abruptly then sighs. "I have no words or excuses."

Hanamaki laughs at him some more, details other things they've done around him that are definitely _not_ platonic, and Iwaizumi feels like he's going to need to re-evaluate his entire life now. Here he thought he knew everything about his closest friends, only to be proven wrong by something that's been so obviously there for so fucking long.

"Man, that felt good," Hanamaki says as he finally calms down. "Thanks for the laugh. I really needed that."

Iwaizumi grumbles. "How did you two even get together?"

So Hanamaki tells him the great love story of Hanamaki Takahiro and Matsukawa Issei. How they were at Hanamaki's house one Friday evening after volleyball practice and they found themselves talking about sex after Oikawa told them about his most recent girlfriend. They were both still virgins and very curious, so they decided to explore sex together.

"You… You guys just decided to have sex? Just like that?"

Hanamaki shrugs. "Yeah? I mean we started with hand stuff, then we kept going. It was comfortable. A couple of months later, we finished having sex and he kind of just brought up the fact that we were best friends, we liked each other as people, and we had a lot of sexual chemistry. So he suggested we try dating, and we did."

"Damn," Iwaizumi exclaims. "And you're still dating. You're in love?"

"Yep, very much so." The look in Hanamaki's eyes soften.

"Weren't you scared?" Iwaizumi can't help but think about Kuroo and Kenma. Kuroo has expressed more times than he can count how afraid he is of changing things with Kenma, especially considering they were best friends.

"Not really," Hanamaki says after a moment of thought. "I mean, it's not like we had that whole nerve-wracking _oh shit I'm falling in love_ moment that makes you super nervous to confess and all that shit. We were crossing swords and I just said I loved him, and he said it back."

"That's… strangely romantic. Maybe it's because it's you two."

Hanamaki snorts. "Maybe. I don't know, really. It was an unconventional start so maybe that's why? It was two friends choosing to try dating, and it worked out. Even then, I don't think either of us were really scared of it _not_. And even if it didn't, I think we were confident in each other that we'd still be best friends."

Iwaizumi thinks back to Kuroo and Kenma again, wonders why they wouldn't think similarly when they arguably have a stronger friendship than Hanamaki and Matsukawa started out with. They're a lot like Iwaizumi and Oikawa—together since childhood, having more memories with each other than without. He can't imagine anything ruining his and Oikawa's friendship, let alone something like falling in love.

Wait.

He freezes halfway to reaching for his chopsticks, eyes wide as his heart begins to pound in his chest. Why would he think of _Oikawa_ in this context? It's not like they're in the same position as Kuroo and Kenma. Iwaizumi blanches at the thoughts that suddenly run through his mind, feeling like his chest might explode from the images in his imagination.

"You okay?" Hanamaki asks.

"Yeah," he quickly says—too quickly that Hanamaki raises a suspicious eyebrow at him. "Just realized I have something due tonight and I completely forgot."

"Get it together, dude. Don't let Oikawa distract you from your school shit."

If Iwaizumi imagines Oikawa confessing to him one day, he chooses to ignore the fact that he wouldn't really mind in the least.

-

He doesn't have time to dwell on whatever picture haunts his thoughts after his conversation with Matsukawa. It's not like Oikawa ever leaves his mind regardless. He has truly mastered the art of perturbing Iwaizumi over the course of their friendship, and it often leaves Iwaizumi deciding whether to hunt him down and strangle him or leave him be until he gets it together.

Actively hunting him down is usually what he likes to do, especially when it involves volleyball and Oikawa's less than ideal training habits.

He knows that Oikawa is dealing with it the worst out of everyone. It's the classic struggle of _knowing_ that certain behavior is destructive, yet still not being able to stop it. Oikawa's overtraining is like that—he knows he shouldn't do it, but there's a part of him that still compels him to. It's what makes Oikawa human, he thinks.

This time around, he decides to leave him be.

They're adults now, making lives for themselves and working towards their future. Iwaizumi knows that he can't control Oikawa, and he doesn't want to think that he has to. Oikawa needs to be able to take care of himself, and the rational part of Iwaizumi knows that he won't be able to do that if he always does it for him.

He's more than willing to do it, to care for him and make sure he's doing alright, but he doesn't want to _have_ to do it. Right now, he thinks he does.

"Iwaizumi, are you alright?"

Iwaizumi jolts and his pen drops from his hand. He laughs sheepishly as he takes it back, places it beside his notebook.

"Yes, sorry," he says, meeting Kai's troubled gaze. "I had something on my mind. Someone. Oikawa. It's Oikawa. I keep worrying about the damn idiot."

Kai's lips tug into a friendly smile. "Ah, that makes sense. Is something the matter? You can always talk to us if you need to. Azumane and I are rather good at listening."

He looks over at Azumane, who has stopped writing to offer him a warm smile and a nod. "I don't think I'd have much to offer in terms of advice, but I would also be more than willing to listen."

Iwaizumi lets the idea roll in his head, wonders if it would be okay to discuss it. For some reason, he feels like talking about it might make it worse, though he _knows_ that the contrary is true. They don't pressure him by staring, instead turning back to their individual work. Iwaizumi is grateful that he's developed such a relationship with these two, that throughout all the peaceful study sessions, they've found a way to become friends.

"I'm anxious all the time," he mutters, absently tugging at his wrist. "I mean, everyone has anxiety. It's part of being human. Lately, though, it's been getting really excessive and irrational to the point that it's getting in the way of my work. I _know_ what I have to do. I _know_ that my worrying is excessive. At the same time, it won't go away. Like my brain just won't shut off, and I'm restless all the time."

After a moment of pause, he continues, "And I know what normal anxiety feels like. Right before a game, right before public speaking, when you're around something you're scared of—reasonable anxiety like that. I feel like this isn't that, though, and I'm tired."

He looks over at his companions, who meet him with understanding eyes and gentle smiles.

"Totally get it," Azumane says. "Worrying can get really exhausting."

"And it's not like this is anything new to me." Iwaizumi's jaw tightens as he frowns. "I've been—I'm always worrying. Like all the time. It's been like this since middle school, I think, ever since Oikawa first injured himself from overworking. I'm always scared he's going to hurt himself, especially when I'm not around to make sure he doesn't. It's fucking annoying."

Iwaizumi finds himself ranting, detailing numerous times he's felt like screaming over Oikawa and his recklessness in training. The more he rambles, the more agitated he becomes, and the more he realizes that he probably shouldn't be unloading so much on his (relatively) new friends.

His throat dries, and he parts his lips, ready to apologize.

"Iwaizumi," Kai says before he could speak, "thank you for opening up."

"I—No, I—I'm sorry, I didn't mean to unload everything like that. I—"

"Hey, it's okay, we're happy to listen," Azumane repeats, a smile still on his face. "Sometimes we just have to talk things out, you know? Let them out. It's not good to bottle things in. I think—and feel free to tell me to shut up or if I'm out of line here—it might help you if you talked to someone about how you're feeling."

Iwaizumi blinks. "What, like a therapist?"

He nods. "Only if you want to! I think it might help you sort your feelings out or something. Better than anything we can say. I saw one in high school for a little bit, but it got kind of expensive, so I had to stop. It helped with what I was going through a little bit, though."

He's never really thought about it, which he supposes is to be expected considering mental health attitudes in Japan. He's heard Oikawa vent about it during one of their nights at his place, prattling on about how destructive it is to be raised in a culture that prioritizes solving things alone and that seeking help is a sign of weakness. Sometimes, he'd overhear Oikawa and Kuroo talk about it, both yelling into the phone about how awful it is that counseling isn't covered by insurance.

He's sure if he brings it up, Oikawa would be all for it. If anything, he'd be encouraging. Despite his own flaws with regards to doing things on his own, he's grown from it quite a bit since the last time they argued about it. He thinks team sports is a good way to get people more comfortable with relying on others and asking for help, and Oikawa definitely learned to because of the time they've spent in volleyball.

"I think… I think I will."

-

His parents are incredibly supportive. Not that he was expecting anything different. They've always been very kind and understanding people, the type of parents that try to break away from toxic cultural expectations so that their kids don't have to go through the same issues they had with their parents. He thinks it may have to do with the fact that they've spent time living in other countries and how often they like to travel.

Iwaizumi's volleyball schedules usually meant that he couldn't go with them on their adventures, but it was a price he was willing to pay for the sport. He makes it a personal goal to visit the same places when he _does_ have the time, though.

The whole thing gives him a much-needed relief from all the intrusive thoughts that have been grabbing his attention, and he's actually able to focus on whatever work he still has left that day.

Iwaizumi decides to go to Oikawa's as soon as he finishes the rest of his responsibilities with milk bread from a bakery one of his classmates told him about during lecture the other day. She said it had the best milk bread in Tokyo, and if there's anyone who can judge the validity of that, it would be Oikawa.

As he reaches the building, he runs into Bokuto, who looks like he's in a hurry. Bokuto comes to an abrupt halt in front of him, placing a hand on his shoulder.

"Iwaizumi!" he greets cheerfully, a brief flash of surprise in his eyes before his lips settle into a smile. "Good timing! I'm glad Oikawa decided to call you after all. He was adamant the entire day about not telling you, but it's good he eventually did."

Iwaizumi frowns, his heart beating fast. He feels like he just got punched in the stomach with a spiked brass knuckle injecting poison into his body. His hands feel cold. "He didn't tell me anything."

Bokuto's eyes widen, and it all but confirms the immediate thought that stamps itself into the forefront of his mind. "I—Shit, Iwai—"

"Thanks, Bokuto," he interrupts, already stalking towards the elevator.

Bokuto calls after him, but all the sounds just sound like static. He's stuck in a trance-like state as he stands in the elevator, feeling like his thoughts are a bullet train speeding through his brain at 320 kilometers per hour. He feels his anger rising the longer he stands there, watching the numbers on the LED screen slowly climb.

Getting off Oikawa's floor, Iwaizumi grips onto the bag in his hand, taking deep breaths to calm himself. He runs different scenarios in his head, unsure which of all those options he'd go with. Everything disappears as he walks inside Oikawa's apartment and sees him on the couch. Oikawa's eyebrows are furrowed, his lips pursed as he presses against the top of his knee.

"Oi." Iwaizumi calls out, dropping the bag of milk bread on his lap.

"Iwa-chan!" Oikawa's face cycles between shock and guilt. "I—How did—"

"I didn't know until I ran into Bokuto downstairs," he says, jaw tight. He can see the knee brace on the coffee table, elevation pillow right beside it. "When?"

Oikawa looks at the bag on his lap. "Two days ago."

"Doctor?"

He nods. "Went immediately after. It's not as bad as it could be."

"Treatment?"

"Same as always."

Iwaizumi swallows hard, saying nothing more as he kneels on the carpet beside him. Oikawa stays silent as Iwaizumi shoos his hand away, fingers lightly tracing his kneecap before going through familiar motions. Iwaizumi has done this too many times before, been a support since they were kids. He's accompanied Oikawa to medical appointments, to physical therapy, been told _how_ to do home massages to help him heal from his injuries.

He can see Oikawa staring at him from his peripheral, but Iwaizumi doesn't look at him. He focuses on his what he's doing, on the way his hands navigate the area around Oikawa's knee. He moves on muscle memory, every stroke and press against skin coming as naturally as breathing.

"Eat," he says, vision affixed at what he's doing. "It's milk bread. Classmate says it's the best in Tokyo."

He hears the rustle of the bag, the soft sounds of Oikawa biting into the bread and chewing.

"Every milk bread that Iwa-chan gets me is the best." Oikawa says, his voice cracking. Iwaizumi looks up, eyes landing on his face as soon as tears roll down his cheeks. Iwaizumi sighs.

They both keep quiet, and all Iwaizumi can hear is the sound of Oikawa eating and crying at the same time. He sniffles, tries to speak despite the bread in his mouth, but eventually decides not to say anything at all.

"You're an ugly crier," Iwaizumi finally says.

Oikawa cries harder, his lips quivering as he tries not to sob. Oikawa still cries like he did when they were kids—trying his best not to make a sound, lips pressed so tightly together that it keeps trembling until all the sobs spill out.

"That's mean, Iwa-chan!" he manages, voice still shaky, a halfhearted smile on his lips. "I can't play for at least four weeks and you're making fun of my crying face."

-

"You're angry."

"Yeah."

A couple of hours have passed, and they've settled in Oikawa's bed. His knee is braced now, leg elevated on a pillow as he lies down on his back. The night goes by largely in silence with Oikawa sneaking glances at him while staying reticent about the anxieties that are written all over his face. Oikawa has always been better than him at reading people, but he can say with absolute certainty that there's no one in the world who can read Oikawa better than Iwaizumi. Not even his own mother.

"Not at you," Iwaizumi says, lying down on his back as well. Oikawa's ceiling is decorated with glow-in-the-dark alien stickers that he somehow managed to persuade Iwaizumi to help tack on. "I'm mad at myself."

"Iwa-chan, it's not your fault." Oikawa glances over at him. "You take too much responsibility for what I do. It's unhealthy, you know? My mistakes are my mistakes."

"I know." He sighs, meeting his gaze. "It's more like—It's just that I'm mad at myself that I've been acting in a way that you'd feel like you had to keep this from me. You weren't even going to tell me, were you?"

Oikawa looks away, and the way his lips twitch is enough confirmation for him.

"I know you get mad because you care."

"Yeah."

"I didn't want you to yell at me."

"I know."

Oikawa closes his eyes, bringing his arm up over his eyes. Iwaizumi looks away and takes a deep breath in, when he looks over again, Oikawa's nails are digging into his palm. So he takes Oikawa's hand in his, fingers fitting in the spaces between his. Oikawa's hand is comfortable in his old, very familiar, as visceral as the beat of his heart in his chest. He gives it a squeeze and Oikawa squeezes back.

"So four weeks?"

"At least."

"I'm sorry."

Oikawa exhales loudly through his nose, gripping tightly onto Iwaizumi's hand. "Me too."


	7. the powerpuff girls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "No, Iwa-chan," he repeats, a smile on his face. "But then again, volleyball and Iwa-chan are one and the same, so I guess, yeah, volleyball."

Oikawa Tooru has always been excessively prickly immediately after an injury.

Everyone around him knows that he gets increasingly frustrated, increasingly irritable the longer time passes. His mood is typically on an inverted bell curve timeline—it falls steadily, hits its worst halfway through the healing process, then begins to rise again afterwards. During this period, his friends have mostly learned how to deal with him when he's like this.

This time around, though, his mood is more of a plateau. If he were to contrast it with the other times he's found himself injured, it somewhat feels like he's fixed onto baseline. Iwaizumi would argue otherwise, insists that Oikawa isn't a reliable gauge of his own emotions, especially when his knee is sprained.

"It's still early," he tells Oikawa as he makes the bed. "It's literally only been three days. You'll start getting unbearable after the one week mark or something."

"I will not!" He huffs, puffing air into his cheeks as a pout settles on his lips. "People still love hanging out with me, which means I _don't_ get annoying."

Iwaizumi snorts as he nudges Oikawa toward the bathroom, though being careful not to use as much force as he usually does. He has been with Oikawa through many of his prior mishaps, and he's always been so caring and considerate despite initially being angry. He appreciates this about Iwaizumi, grateful that he always has someone to depend on what's arguably the most challenging moments of his life.

Not that Iwaizumi isn't always there with him in general.

"Get ready already," Iwaizumi says, standing beside him in front of the bathroom sink. "You say you don't need crutches so you can shower by yourself, right?"

"My, my, Iwa-chan!" A wicked grin spreads across his face as he bats his lashes at Iwaizumi. "If you wanted to wash me, you could just say so. You know I won't say no to some Iwa-chan love."

Iwaizumi stills for a moment. It's kind of odd, but he decides not to think too much about it. Iwaizumi's been under a lot of pressure in his program, so he attributes Iwaizumi's behavior to stress. His chest suddenly feels tight, feel like something's squeezing his heart and not letting go. In a year full of life transitions and school-related stress, Iwaizumi doesn't need another thing to worry about.

"Hey, Iwa-chan."

"Don't you dare apologize."

Oikawa startles and blinks at him. "I just—"

"You're thinking about you're adding to my stress or something like that, right? Don't. Try not to. The world is stressful in general, Oikawa." They both fall silent, holding each other's gazes. There's something in Iwaizumi's eyes that pulls at Oikawa's curiosity, a thoughtful glint that he isn't sure how to decipher. "I'm always stressed, but being with you takes it away."

Oikawa thinks Iwaizumi might still be half asleep. He's only like this when he's tired, when he's sleepy and his mind is still fogged by fatigue. His heart raps against his ribcage, suddenly deciding to scream and remind him of all the times when Oikawa felt anchored by Iwaizumi's mere presence. There's a tranquil second that passes them by before Oikawa chuckles and steps into his shower.

"Glad to know you love me so much, Iwa-chan!" he chirps, voice slightly drowned by the sound of water hitting tile. "Oikawa-san absolutely loves you too!"

"Fuck off, just go shower." Iwaizumi hisses. "I'll make breakfast."

Oikawa hums as Iwaizumi steps outside, leaving him to his own thoughts. The steam from the shower rises and hugs his skin, warms his body and relaxes despite the thoughts that begin to race in his head. He can't help but think about his knee, feels around the area and winces at the pain. It's not so bad that he needs to use crutches, and the doctor told him that he doesn't need to stay off it if it doesn't hurt too much. He frowns, ducks his head under the water, lets the heat calm him when he feels himself get agitated.

He moves slower than usual, gets himself prepared for the day a little sluggishly. The longer he's left alone with his thoughts, the worse he feels, and he's beginning to see what Iwaizumi means whenever he says that Oikawa should never be left alone when he isn't feeling his best. At the end of the day, Oikawa Tooru is a social person and he always feels better when he's with the people he cares most about.

"You can just skip if you're not feeling up for it," Iwaizumi tells him as he hands him a plate of fried rice. "You don't have to force yourself. Kuroo can keep you up to speed with stuff if you need to stay home. I can drop shit off if you have anything to submit."

"No, it's fine," he replies with a mouth full of rice. "I need to go talk to the team later anyway, and staying idle is worse than sitting in lecture."

"If you're sure."

"Don't worry."

"I always do."

"I know."

Iwaizumi spends the rest of breakfast telling him about his final project for one of his classes, complaining about how his group mates are useless unless he takes charge and tells them what to do. Oikawa laughs, praising him for being such a wonderful team leader. Iwaizumi's program sounds so complicated, and it's a wonder how he's still able to make time for Oikawa when he's doing so much for school.

He really is fortunate that he has Iwaizumi in his life, and he couldn't be more grateful.

When he says as much out loud, Iwaizumi snorts at him and replies, "Yeah, you'd be a mess without me."

And Oikawa knows that he really would be.

-

The coach is befittingly furious, and he's harshly admonished for not stopping when he needed to. It's kind of funny—the way his coach reprimands him is eerily similar to how Iwaizumi does, and he finds himself imagining his best friend's face as he stands there getting scolded.

Eventually, his coach expels a heavy sigh, shakes his head, and tells him to take it easy for a while.

"I know you're a dedicated player," he says, a hand on his shoulder. "You train harder than anyone else on the team. Still, too much training isn't a good thing. You know that, right?"

"Yes, coach."

"We'll keep your training light until you get your strength back. Make sure you don't push yourself and that you keep your mind sharp while you can't go all out. Follow doctor's orders."

Oikawa bows and heads to the side of the court to stretch, running options in his head for how he's going to keep active while he's not at peak performance. He figures stretching and light weight training is the way to go today, especially when his injury is still very fresh. When he's done with his sets, he observes his teams practice match, analyzing their attack patterns and figuring out how he's going to play once he's back in the game.

At the end of the day, Oikawa feels like screaming.

He hates this. He hates not giving his all. He hates not playing. This is going to be a very long couple of weeks, and he cannot wait for this agony to end.

-

"Well, hello to you too," Kuroo says, hands on his hips, an eyebrow raised. "Iwaizumi warned us you would get really grumpy."

Oikawa huffs and throws a pillow at him. He dodges.

It's been over a week since he hurt his knee, and while he still denies that he's as irritable as his friends like to say he is, he can acknowledge the fact that he doesn't feel any better the more time passes. The resentment builds every time he sees his knee brace, yet not to the point that he would say he's exploded. It's like walking with a glass of water and filling it to the brim, somehow keeping it just enough not to spill all over the floor.

"Hey, hey, hey!" Bokuto bursts through the door, smile immediately disappearing at the sight of Oikawa's scowl. "Yikes. Iwaizumi was right."

"Is Iwa-chan telling everyone about me?!"

The two laugh as they take a seat on the couch. They've been coming over to keep him company, bringing their usual shenanigans to his apartment this time around. Granted, they haven't been able to do much of what they usually do, but they're creative. No injury can keep them from wreaking havoc when they're together.

"He worries about you," Kuroo says, arm resting on the back of the couch behind Bokuto. "He's scared that your temper might run off the only two college friends you've made this year."

Oikawa gasps, offended. "I made more friends than just you two!"

Kuroo and Bokuto exchange glances, and Oikawa takes this opportunity to throw another pillow. This time, it hits Kuroo's forehead, and Bokuto snickers at him.

"People your existing friends introduced to you don't count," Kuroo says. "Neither do your volleyball teammates."

"Wouldn't that mean you're his only friend?" Bokuto asks, looking at Kuroo.

Kuroo's signature smirk tugs at the corner of his lips as he returns his gaze to Oikawa. "Holy shit, I'm honored, Oikawa-chan."

Oikawa splutters, guttural noises intermittently escaping from the back of his throat as the gears in his head turn, desperately searching his mental contact list for names of people he met for the first time this year.

Kenma. Akaashi. The rest of Kuroo's and Bokuto's old high school teammates. Classmates. (Though he would hardly call them friends when they only ever talk in class.)

"Asshole," Oikawa mumbles, pouting.

"We're teasing," Kuroo reassures, setting the table on his lap. Bokuto rests his head on Kuroo's shoulder. Oikawa finds it interesting how his hair doesn't poke Kuroo's face with how it's styled. "How are you doing?"

"How do you think I'm doing?" Oikawa deadpans. "Okay, yeah, I hear it now. Sorry."

"Don't worry about it," Kuroo says with a hearty laugh. "Nothing gets worse than Kenma when you take away his video games. He gets really mean when he's grumpy."

"I can understand that." He grimaces. Oikawa and volleyball is one thing, but he knows that video games are something entirely different to Kenma. Taking away all of his access to gaming is like taking someone skydiving and pushing them off the plane without a parachute. "I'd be mean about it too if someone barred me from what grounds me."

"So volleyball." Bokuto tilts his head.

Oikawa takes a moment of pause, lets himself think about the parallels that he's found between himself and Kenma. Sure, there's an argument to be made about what volleyball is to him may be what video games are to Kenma. It's not quite the same though, when he really thinks about it. To Kenma, his video games are a safety net—something he uses to cope, to handle whatever it is that's going on in his head. He uses it as a means to make sense of the world around him, a way for his mind to reset so he can think more clearly about what he has to.

Oikawa may feel that way on court, may feel that playing volleyball keeps his head clear and helps him cope with his emotions, but he wouldn't say that it's the first thing he turns to when his emotions are a mess. He's had this conversation with Kenma before, when Oikawa first asked him about his love for video games. When Kenma returned the question to him, asked him what he does when he needs to feel grounded, all Oikawa had said, _Iwa-chan_.

"No, Iwa-chan," he repeats, a smile on his face. "But then again, volleyball and Iwa-chan are one and the same, so I guess, yeah, volleyball."

"Would you ever give up volleyball if Iwaizumi asked you to?" Bokuto asks. In the time that Oikawa was lost in this thoughts, Bokuto has changed position on the couch and is now lying down on Kuroo's lap. "What if he asked you to choose between him and volleyball one day?"

"That would never happen, not even hypothetically," he says. "Iwa-chan would never. Besides, like I said, volleyball and Iwa-chan are one and the same."

"The way you're so confident about Iwaizumi is laudable, you know," Kuroo hums, playing with Bokuto's hair. The wax in his hair has gone pliable now, and his strands are conforming to however Kuroo shapes them. "You'd think you'd have more doubts considering your issues with Kageyama and Ushijima."

"If there's one thing in the world that I have absolute faith in, it's Iwa-chan," he says with his chest puffed out, proud of his relationship with his best friend. "I may not be a genius, but I have Iwa-chan!"

"You're so whipped, dude," Kuroo states.

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Am not!"

Bokuto sits up, and Kuroo frowns momentarily at the sudden movement. "He does this with Kozume all the time. He can do this for hours."

Kuroo grins and points at Bokuto with a nod. "I can."

"Oh, right, speaking of Kenma…" Oikawa decides to redirect the conversation, absolutely believing them when they said Kuroo could keep going. He's witnessed their back and forth plenty of times before, and they wouldn't stop if someone doesn't interrupt them. "He's coming over on Friday, not sure if he told you."

"He did. He already told me not to come over and interrupt you guys."

Oikawa finds himself laughing. He can already hear Kenma's voice in his head. _Don't interrupt us, Kuro_. Kuroo always drops by anyway, studies with Oikawa, gets annihilated in a video game, then heads back to his place. It's kind of their sleepover routine at this point.

"I can't believe Oikawa gets Kenma sleepovers and I don't." Bokuto pouts. "I've known him for years, and he still won't agree to a hangout."

Oikawa sticks his tongue out. "That's because I'm amazing."

"I resent what you're implying."

"There, there, Bokuto," Kuroo says, patting him on the shoulder. "It's okay, you have me."

"My one and only!" Bokuto dives into Kuroo's open arms dramatically. "Love of my life. Bokuroo forever."

Oikawa gasps. "Hello? I'm here too!"

Bokuto and Kuroo grins at him before walking over and sandwiching him between them.

"Hey, we're in the right colors today!" Kuroo points out.

They all immediately glance at their shirts, chuckling when they realize that their clothes really are coincidentally consistent with their claimed cartoon personas. Kuroo is in his red Nekoma jacket, Bokuto is wearing a baby blue sweater, and Oikawa has been in a green tracksuit the entire day.

"We need to make a video. Let's do the Powerpuff Girls intro!" Bokuto cheerily suggests. "Let's call Daichi and edit him in so we can have Professor Utonium!"

"Absolutely not," Oikawa quickly retorts. "That would mean that Kuroo would show up in the 'everything nice' part, and that's just too jarring of a thought."

"I'm hurt! I'm _such_ a nice person!"

Bokuto and Oikawa pull away to give him a look.

There's a quiet moment of staring before they break out into giggles. Then they call Daichi to get him to narrate and act for them. An hour later, the video is posted on all of their Instagram accounts, and they go viral almost immediately.

-

**SEIJORGY  
makki (¯** **▿** **¯):** how the FUCK are you viral AGAIN  
**Me:** i'm just that amazing (o˘◡˘o) **  
iwa-chan (´** **♡** **‿** **♡** **`):** oh my god i cant believe sawamura agreed to that  
**makki (¯** **▿** **¯):** i don't say this often buy oikawa has magic powers when it comes to convincing people to do stupid shit  
**mattsun (.** **❛** **ᴗ** **❛** **.):** ^^^^ truth. just look at the stupid shit WE'VE done  
**Me:** you guys love me  
**iwa-chan (´** **♡** **‿** **♡** **`):** no  
**makki (¯** **▿** **¯):**.  
**mattsun (.** **❛** **ᴗ** **❛** **.):** unfortunately  
**Me:** I ONLY TRUST ONE BITCH IN THIS HOUSE  
**Me:** I LOVE U MATTSUN  
**mattsun (.** **❛** **ᴗ** **❛** **.):** nvm i take it back **  
Me:** 凸(￣ヘ￣)

-

The three of them are on the floor, all out of breath and teary from hysterically laughing at a story Bokuto tells them about a time he forgot about science and believed in a stupid picture from Twitter that said gravity was caused by magnets embedded in soil.

"Oh my God, Bokuto!" Oikawa wails, clutching at his belly. "When the fuck was this?"

"Second year," Kuroo wheezes, wiping the tears from his eyes. "He was scrolling through his feed during break, found the picture, and was all excited showing us this fun trivia he found."

"Not my finest moment," Bokuto admits in between laughs. "Listen, I knew it in my heart that it wasn't true, but it was instinct to get all excited by something I found interesting."

"How long did it take you to realize?" Oikawa asks, slapping his cheeks to attempt to calm down.

"Too long." Bokuto collapses on the ground, draping over his forehead. "Everyone stared at me for a good minute or two before I fucking remembered that that's not how gravity works."

"I still remember Akaashi's face when you showed us," Kuroo says, lying down next to Bokuto. Oikawa follows suit beside him. "This was right in the beginning of the year, and they still didn't know each other well. It was our first practice match, right?" Kuroo pauses, waiting for Bokuto to nod before continuing. "We were testing out the first years. Akaashi has always been deadpan and stoic, but at that moment, you could actually see him going absolutely blank."

"And that is why I no longer immediately show people shit I find online. _Especially_ people I'm trying to impress."

"Holy shit, that's gold," Oikawa breathes out. "Man, that's so funny. Don't worry, man, we all have our dumb moments. I once accidentally used glue stick instead of Chapstick."

" _No_." Bokuto and Kuroo rise up in perfect synchronization, mouths agape.

" _Yes_." Oikawa rubs at his temples. He can still remember it like it was just yesterday. "Makki thanked me for taking the initiative to glue my lips together in front of the entire team. It was horrible, but admittedly very funny."

The three of them lose themselves in more mindless laughter, howling so loudly that they're grateful that the walls are thick in their building. Were they anywhere else, he's certain that they would have received a noise complaint by now. They laugh until they're convulsing on the ground, until their muscles are sore, and they're all scrambling to the bathroom to pee. Sharing stories about the stupid things they've done has been comforting to Oikawa, and it allows him time to get his mind off the fact that he still can't play volleyball.

Conversation eventually takes a more serious turn as time passes, naturally flowing toward sentimental topics befitting of two in the morning.

They're all huddled together in Bokuto's bed, sharing a blanket as the mood turns somewhat somber. Kuroo talks about Kenma, Bokuto talks about Akaashi, and Oikawa just listens as they allow him access to their innermost thoughts.

Being in love doesn't sound like he expects it to feel like, especially when he's listening to his friends talk about their respective feelings. He knows that definitions of love vary from person to person—he and Kenma have discussed this more since the first time they did—but the way they talk about it, it makes Oikawa hesitant to experience it.

"Why don't you just confess or something?" Oikawa asks, staring up at the ceiling. There aren't any glow-in-the-dark alien stickers like he has in his room, which Oikawa says is a shame, but Bokuto ignores him. "I feel like it would be more productive than sucking each other's dicks and pining."

"That's terrifying," Kuroo whispers, the vulnerability dripping in his voice. "Kenma and I are good as we are. We're best friends, we do everything together, we're _good_. Why change what's already good? It's too scary a thought that I would risk changing things for the worse when we're already at a good place. Besides, it's not like Kenma would feel the same way."

Oikawa can't help but frown deeply, wishing that he could throw a punch at Kuroo right now. It's difficult being in the middle, being the person who knows both sides of the story and how painful it is for both of them. Kuroo is an idiot, but that's not the worst part of it. He's a scared idiot in denial.

"How would you know if you've never talked to him?" he challenges.

"I know Kenma."

 _Clearly not as well as you assume to_ , Oikawa thinks, but he keeps it to himself.

"Not everyone is lucky like you, Oikawa," Bokuto says, his voice low. "Not everyone can be as happily married as you and Iwaizumi."

Oikawa blinks. "It's not like we're actually married."

"Yeah, but you're mutually in love, and you don't even have to say anything."

Oikawa freezes, his eyes going wide. In love? Him? With Iwaizumi? And Iwaizumi loves him back? He abruptly sits up, and his friends groan in response.

"Whoa there, we're not—Iwa-chan and I aren't—What the—"

It's too dark to see, but he can assume that Bokuto and Kuroo are staring at him with their eyes full of bemusement. Oikawa's just as confused by the sentiment, suddenly wondering if that's how everyone sees him and Iwaizumi.

They're best friends. Platonic soul mates. _Platonic_ soul mates. Right?

"That doesn't make sense. I'm not in love with Iwa-chan. I mean, I love him, I do. He's the most important person in my life. I'm not—It's not—I'm _not_ —"

Oikawa's voice falters, and his life suddenly flashes before his eyes.

Holy fucking shit.

"Bokuto, I'm going to fucking kill you."

"What?! Why?!"

Kuroo replies, "I think it's because he didn't know he was in love and you just kind of shoved that in his face."

"Oh," Bokuto says. "Oh shit. I'm sorry."

Everything just sounds like garbled noises in his ears. All he can hear is his own voice, ringing, loud and clear and bellowing in his head:

 _I'm in love with Iwaizumi Hajime_.

**Author's Note:**

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